Couple Crushin’ by Liz

I arrived home Saturday from my Hawaiian vacation three shades darker, five pounds heavier and a few thousand dollars poorer than I was a week ago.  But it was all worth it to detox from the “real world” for a few days.

And I’m happy to report that my Flightplan went rather well, with just a minimal amount of uncomfortable moments on our seemingly never-ending flight. (Our sincere apologies to seat 21A, Poo-Poo Head is a actually considered a term of endearment from our two-year old.  Don’t take it personally!)

But after three days of pool slides, floaties and chicken strips, I was desperate for adult interaction that wasn’t interrupted every thirty seconds with one of us shouting one of three key vacation phrases:

Do you have to go potty?

If you do______(insert bad behavior here) again, we are not going to the pool!

Stop trying to drown your brother!

So I did what any self-respecting parent does while on vacation: I booked a “cocktail” sunset cruise, emphasis on “cocktail”.  Basically, when planning our activities, the concierge had me at open bar. So we double-locked the sliding glass doors, gave the MIL a DVD player tutorial and a twenty for pizza and voila!  We were on our way to three hours of childless paradise.

I was determined to make the most of my overpriced sailing excursion. Our last couple “cocktail” cruises had been a bust, with only one other nerdy couple and two stoned guys playing a ukulele.  And in my opinion, size mattered when it came to booze cruises and this social butterfly was ready to spread her wings.  So I was ecstatic to discover a group of thirty or so people, standing with shoes in hand on the beach when we arrived!

I quickly scanned the crowd, looking for our couple love connection.  Who would I be couple crushin’ on tonight? Would it be the newlyweds?  The Speidi look-a-likes?  Or the single dad who inappropriately brought his six-year old?  And did it really matter?  Because anyone who knows me is aware that I’ll talk to a statue after my second beer. And after four beers? Well, let’s just say I was in rare form.  But I made some new friends!

Liz and Mike, Booze Cruise Edition

Liz and Mike, Booze Cruise Edition

THE NEWLYWEDS

Oh, newlyweds, you looked so cute in your matching outfits and enthusiasm for having children.  I hope I didn’t ruin it for you when I discussed my c-section recovery in detail. Or when my hubby mentioned that you should do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING fun before you get pregnant because your life as you know it will be over.  Like he said when you started to inch away from us, he meant it in a good way.

EX-WIFE BRINGER UPPER

Every road leads back to…his ex-wife. Discussing real estate?  He’s bitter that she got the beachfront property in Del Mar.  Mention children?  His ex-wife has 80% custody.  Ugh! And from the looks that the new girlfriend was giving him, I have a feeling she’ll be an ex soon too.

SPEIDI

I was crushin’ on this couple the moment I saw them. Seriously, they were dead ringers for Spencer and Heidi. When I finally caught their eye, I had my social butterfly A-game on. (Or so I thought!)  And Speidi did not disappoint…he went to Harvard, she had her masters from UCLA.  And they thought WE were 25 year-old newlyweds! HA!  I was in love!  But I think I may have come on a bit too strong when I committed the ultimate booze cruise faux pas and invited them for an after-cruise drink.  And I know better. We all know our friendships end as soon as that sailboat hits the sand.

THE DRUNK SINGLE DAD

Seriously, dude.  Watching your six-year old go up on the deck by herself in 40 mile/hour winds is killing my buzz.  I came here to get away from lifeguard patrol!

BLACKIE

We actually ran into Blackie and his wife at the bar we stumbled up to after the cruise.  He was eight-five years old and rolled in wearing a bright orange shirt with his name on it.  He told me I was beautiful, but he was wearing coke-bottle glasses and had already confessed he was legally blind so the compliment didn’t feel quite as good as it should have. But hey, I’ll take it!

xoxo,  Liz

11 Responses to “Couple Crushin’ by Liz”

  1. Brandi

    I am crystals Cousin. How funny that you call your 2 year old Poo Poo head. We call our 3 year old son Boo Boo head!!

  2. Liz

    Hi Brandi! Thanks for stopping by! Actually, our two-year old was calling the guy in front of us a “poo poo head” but I have to admit, sometimes I feel like calling him one! xoxo, Liz

  3. Larry

    We were 4 years old then and I’m over 50 now but I still remember her so clearly. She had dark hair cut in a pageboy cut. She had a mole on her cheek that makes me think of her every time I see Cindy Crawford. That year (62?) My family rented a cabin on the Lake Huron shoreline within sight of the Mackinac Bridge. Her family was in the cabin next door. Both were there for the week and the 2 of us really hit it off. We played together all week amd had a great time. One day she cut her finger and her mother put a band aid on it. I’d never seen a band aid like it before. It had all sorts of moons, stars and planets on it. I didn’t know enough at age 4 to find out where she lived or how to get in touch with her. I have wondered about her many times over the years. I recently started a new relationship and we got to talking about our earliest childhood memories and I related this one to her. She couldn’t believe the detail I remembered about this little girl I haven’t seen in 47 years. I have wondered from time to time what happened to her and where she was. I don’t even know what State she was from.

  4. Patrice Heller

    I’ve never had a couple crush, most of my social time with my husband involves family members, and it would be a little creepy. I probably would have gotten sea sick, then hung out with Blackie. He could tell me green is my “color”.

  5. Liz

    Larry, I can’t imagine that in this day of social networking that you wouldn’t be able to find her somehow…what a great story! Thanks for sharing!

  6. Liz

    Patrice, Ha! And I think Blackie would have wanted to break a piece off of you! He’s blind, he wouldn’t have even noticed you didn’t feel well! xoxo

  7. Anarda Nashai

    Well, a few years ago I had a friend from out of town call me out of the blue one summer night. We’d met a couple of years before he moved out of town. Since I’m forever the commitment phobe and he is a hopeless romantic, he and I agreed that we would be friends (with no benefits!–damnit). When he called to tell me he was in town on business, I instantly became excited. My hottie friend, though very deep into his high-powered career, is to date one of the greatest people to hang with. Cool, funny, very down to earth. I couldn’t wait to see him again. Our date finally rolled around. On a Friday we agreed to meet at a movie theatre after work to catch a movie and then grab dinner afterwards. I drove to the theatre in my leisure suit and comfortable flats, wiggling in my seat all the way. Before I could park and get out of my car, I saw him standing there, even more tall and beautiful than when I’d seen him before. He saw me too, smiling in my direction as I practically ran over to him and fell into his tight embrace. “Hey Lolita.” He whispered to in my ear while he held me a little while longer. Just so you know, Lolita is his playful nickname for me since he is a little older than I am. Since meeting him at age 20, I’ve tried convincing him that being seven years my senior does not make him my humbert humbert–especially since we’re just friends, but I’ll be damned if he’ll listen. “Hey yourself, handsome!” We stood holding each other for several minutes, in the middle of the crowded theatre lobby. People stopped, looked, yelled “get a room”–then the light bulb went off in my head. “Did you get the tickets yet?” I asked with a hidden agenda. “No I didn’t, since we hadn’t decided on which movie to see.” And I could see that he was willing to fall into my trap. “Well, why don’t we forget the movie and go have dinner.” I pointed to a restaurant in the hotel across the street. “I’m game…come on!” He grabbed my hand and we ran across the street against traffic toward the bright lights of the hotel’s sign. Once in the lobby, we fell in line of others waiting to be seated by the hostess of the crowded restaurant. He turned to me again, grabbing hold of my waist, looking at me with those engaging grey eyes. And here is where my good friend kissed me very passionately. Yes, me and my hottie friend had kissed before since meeting, but this kiss was a litte different…and we both knew just HOW different it was, and what we both wanted thereafter. I thought aloud, motioning to hotel checkin booth “Let’s just check in, and order room service so we can have a little privacy.” And so we did. Yes, we did: we went on kissing for several minutes, then realizing how tired we both were after a full day of work, we fell asleep fully clothed on the hotel lounger. We woke up a hour and a half later…ordered room service, talked and laughed over dinner–then caught a late movie before heading going our seperate ways for the night. We had a very casual lunch date followed by some sigh-seeing the next day before he left town the following morning. And since, we become closer friends somehow–with restricted benefits!

  8. Lisa

    Anarda– seems like your hopeless romantic “friend” may have broken through the commitment phobe exterior…maybe just a little?

  9. Anarda Nashai

    Haha…not quite as much as he’d hoped, Lisa…but I still adore him as my “friend” just the same. Hope you enjoyed my “crush” story.
    Cheers:)

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