Update on Brian:  After a very close call Friday morning, Brian is holding at critical but stable.  He's been transferred to a bigger hospital in San Luis Obispo so he has access to more procedures.  So the waiting begins again... For the latest updates on Brian from Dr. Ken, you can head over to  Grape Radio.

When Brian's wife hit the panic button Friday, our family(including BFFs Lisa and LaSundra, who are like family) dropped everything and rushed to convene together. 

Lisa left straight from her colonic appointment(btw Lisa, that's gross) and LaSundra had left from work so they shared an olive green Juicy Couture sweatsuit all weekend. LaSundra would wear the pants and Lisa would wear the jacket and then swtich.  Between that and the fact that Lasundra used my scarf  as a do-rag and her big ol' purse as a suitcase, I had plenty to laugh about!

But when things were going south quickly, it was interesting to see the different roles that people played as they arrived at the hospital.  I guess everyone wants to feel like they are helping out in any way then can.  And some of us are simply trying not to lose our shit in front of everyone. 

And by now, you have surely realized that I love to make lists.  So Lisa and I put this together as we sat in the waiting room over the weekend for your reading pleasure!

1. Billy and LaSundra:  The "faux-bots"

For those of you who follow this blog, you know that over-emotional people have no business crashing our impromptu family ICU party.  Most of the Clarks thrive in this situation, but we discovered my brother Billy and best friend LaSundra only pretend to be emotionally unavailable after we caught them sneaking out for a teary embrace.  From then on, they were nicknamed the "faux-bots". 

2. Mike: The Tall Fall Guy

Oh, my poor sweet husband.   Never complained once when he got run over by The Bus Driver. (see number 3)  Whether I was blaming him for accidentally dialing my father's cell and waking him up at 6am or hitting my brother in the middle of the night when he was snoring his face off, Mike took it like a champ.  And yes, we were all sleeping in the same room.  And that issue is a whole other blog in itself.

3. Liz:  The Bus Driver

Apparently, I like to throw others under the bus when upset.  Who knew?  My sincere apologies if I left tire tracks on anyone's back.=)

4. Mom:  The Iron Chef

Unable to don a surgical mask and scalpel, my mom, being the true Italian she is, grabs an apron, a paring knife and starts chopping vegetables when in crisis.  I somehow always end up as the unwilling sous chef and dishwasher in this situation.  WTF?

5. Dad:  The Food Critic

This is one man you don't want sitting down in your restaurant unless you have mastered the perfect plate of egg whites and bacon.  Because no other meal will please him and no one in your family will have a moment of peace until he is satisfied.

6. Ken and Lisa:  Dr. and Mrs. Roboto

Brian's close friend and family physician, Ken rushed to his side on Friday.  Everyone looked to him to interpret the physicians reports stoically and participate in endless family Q&A sessions.  Between his comforting  updates and the fact that his wife Lisa coined the term "faux-bots", how could we ask for anything more?

7. Steve:  The Professional Bystander

My Step-dad has perfected the art of standing around and observing.  Seriously, I don't think the guy said two words all weekend.  But he was reading I'll Have Who She's Having the entire time so I gave him a pass.

8.  Jay: The Shrink

If you have extra down time on your hands and would like be  psycho-analyzed as to why you chose Ruffles over Cheetos at the cafeteria and what says about you, Jay's your man.  Very useful when you have ten hours a day to kill in a waiting room!

9. Laura:  The Wife 

A pillar of strength, she has been given a free pass. The crazy part is that she hasn't really used it except to boss me around a bit here and there and to tell Lisa the end of Big Love with out so much as a spoiler alert.  I don't want to get all sappy, but Laura is my hero.  I've never seen someone so gracious in such a terrible situation.

10. Seth:  The Know-It-All Navigator

Laura's brother Seth loves to give directions.  Heading to Taco Bell? He knows where it is.  Need gas?  He's got your back.  A commercial pilot by day, he loves to act as a human GPS in crisis.  But Seth, do we really need to take side streets everywhere?  Freeways can be your friend.  This is isn't the clear, blue sky.  We have stoplights down here!

11. Lisa: The Concierge

Lisa took on the challenge of finding six hotel rooms during "Zin Festival" weekend in Wine country.  Not an easy task, people.  And the restraint she showed while dealing with a complete asshole at an unnamed hotel(hint: it rhymes with Schmoliday Schminn Schmexpress) was unprecedented for her.  I think the fact that they were holding LaSundra's credit card hostage may be why Lisa did not unleash her beast within.  Either way, I think we can all agree that the hotel manager dodged a major bullet.