You know how something so good....can also be so bad? Like juicy gossip or an episode of Rock of Love.
Or a one night stand.... The night before, he's tall, dark and handsome. The next morning, you wish it was still dark because he's just tall.
Or your college crush....In college, he's gorgeous with a six pack. On Facebook, he's balding and the victim of drinking far too many six packs.
Or even our favorite celebrity man candy. In one movie, he can be so freakin' sweet and in the next, so very, very sour. It's amazing how a hair piece and twenty pounds can transform People's Sexiest Man Alive from totally HOT to totally NOT. From HUNK to JUNK. From LUST to BUST. Well, you get the idea...
So here's our list of actors who've played characters that TURN US ON...that we'd love to end up on the casting couch with *wink* *wink*... But who've also played characters that TURN US OFF--because they thought it would be A-OK to look ugly so they could win an Academy Award or some bullshit like that!
#1. Patrick Dempsey
HELL YEAH! Robert Philip in Enchanted.
After drooling over him every Thursday night on Grey's (and always secretly hoping those scrubs would somehow just fall off already), I was ecstatic to discover McDreamy was headed to the silver screen. Now, I'm not normally a movie theatre-goer, but for 70 feet of Mc Dreamy, I made DAMN SURE my four-year-old and I were there on opening weekend. I swooned as he saved Giselle from falling off the billboard and held my breath when he bent down for the "true love kiss." In fact, I was boning out over my Prince Charming fantasy so much that I even gave him a pass for the awkward singing and dancing scene in the park and the lame ass royal outfit he wore to the ball. Honorable Mention: Thomas Bailey in Made of Honor--Because I'm with Lisa on the whole guy chasing down a girl at the end of a movie thing.
HELL TO THE NO! Ronald Miller in Can't buy me Love.
The hair! The clothes! The lawnmower! I'm sorry but you'd have to pay me a lot more than $1000 to let Ronald Miller mow my lawn. (if you know what I'm sayin') And let's face it, even after the makeover, "totally geek to totally chic" was a bit of a stretch. It should have taken a lot more than ripping the sleeves off his bad shirt and rubbing mousse through his moppy hair for Cindy Mancini to ditch Bobby! Okay so maybe Ronald gets points for liking her poetry and washing her convertible Volkswagen Rabbit, but at the end of the day, he was still Lawnboy. (Um, no, I wasn't a mean girl or anything!) Honorable Mention: Randy Bodek in Loverboy. Cougar bait? Really? Not buying it.
#2. Matt Damon
HELL YEAH! Jason Bourne in The Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy & Bourne Ultimatum
He's a complete hottie in all three, but the first one is my fav because it was when I was watching it that I realized I was in love with him. My heart was racing through the entire movie and let's just say it wasn't from the non-stop action :) I was drooling all over myself as I lusted for this man without a past! I mean, how convenient! A hot guy that kicks ass, speaks multiple languages and has zero emotional baggage. The perfect man! Honorable Mention: Ocean's Eleven, Twelve & Thirteen. Exception: The fake nose he wore in Thirteen. Bad. Very bad.
HELL TO THE NO! Tom Ripley in The Talented Mr. Ripley
I want to go on record and state that I did NOT want to see this movie. I made a strong case for Deuce Bigalow:Male Gigolo but was overruled by my husband's extended family. So I told myself it was going to be okay because Matt Damon was in it. He's hot, right? NOT! For the next two hours, I was blinded by his milky white skin and almost gagged at the site of him prancing around in his banana hammock. I don't care that they were in Europe. It was still wrong.Honorable Mention: Bob Tenor in Stuck On You. Two words: Siamese. Twins.
#3. Matthew Perry
HELL YEAH! Alex Whitman in Fools Rush In
I know, he isn't your typical A-lister hottie. But I've probably seen this movie thirty times and STILL get choked up every time he professes his love to Isabel at the Hoover Dam. And each time I watch, I'm still so jealous of EE-SUH-BELL and her sassy accent that I kind of hope the ending will change and he'll ditch her! Then, he and I will live happily ever in the tract home development in Las Vegas. Hey, maybe it's not realistic that I'd want a hot guy to knock me up on a one night stand and have to live in 150 degree heat 9 months out of the year, but this is Chandler Bing people! Need I say more? Honorable Mention: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip A jaded, funny guy with major issues? I'm in!
HELL TO THE NO! Seasons 9 and 10 of Friends
My man really packed on the pounds season 9 after he quit those pain pills. And although I was happy about his newfound sobriety, I just wasn't getting those butterflies in my stomach anymore while watching my Must See TV. Then, just as I convinced myself that bloated was the new black, he went totally 'rexic on me in season ten! Suddenly, I was in love with a yo-yo pill popper and that was so. not. hot. Honorable Mention: Guest appearance on the old school Beverly Hills, 90210. In his defense, no one looked good in 1991.
#1. Brad Pitt
HELL YEAH!--Tristan Ludlow in Legends of the Fall
I'm normally into a more clean cut look, but when Tristan pulls up in his wagon, with his long blonde hair and five o'clock shadow, I'm sure I'm having the same naughty thoughts as Sussanah. "I've gotta get me a piece o' that." And then Susasanah takes one look at her boring, virgin fiancee' and you know she's saying to herself, "I am with the wrong bruthuh!" When she finally does get Tristan into the sac, I have to admit, I feel jealous of the lucky bee-yotch! BTW--for a chance to feel those abs, I also would've overlooked the crazy bear nightmares and the attempted knife stabbing in the bed. Honorable Mention: Oceans Eleven, Twelve & Thirteen
HELL TO THE NO!-- Benjamin Button in Benjamin Button
Then Brad had to go and get all old and wrinkly and short and wrinkly. And the thought of having sex with him now, even though I know somewhere in there, he's still Brad Pitt, is unimaginable. Even when he transforms into his hot self mid-way through the epic, I'm already scarred by the old, wrinkly-ness that went on for far too much of the movie if you ask me. Where, oh where, did the two-time People's Sexiest Man Alive winner go? Honorable Mentions: Zero. He's never looked bad in anything else.
#2. George Clooney
HELL YEAH!--Danny Ocean in Ocean's Eleven, Twleve and Thirteen
Ahhh Danny Ocean, you are so freakin' hot and sexy (and did I mention, sexy?) in these movies that I'd do you six ways to Sunday in that Bellagio penthouse suite. Honorable Mention: Bruce Wayne & Batman in Batman & Robin- cuz every girl fantasizes about a man in "uniform"!
HELL TO THE NO!-- Everett in Oh Brother Where Art Thou?
Oh Brother, where art George Clooney? I never even saw the movie because the idea of him looking like this was just too upsetting. Gone was the Armani suit and the f**k me now grin. In its place, a long, dirty beard and love of weird music? Unless I was feeling some sort of homeless man fantasy, I'd have to pass on--this. Honorable mention: Bob Barnes in Syriana (Hello 55 lb pot belly).
#3 Will Smith
HELL YEAH! Alex "Hitch" Hitchens in Hitch
I have a major crush on Will Smith. In fact, he's one of the celebrities on "my allowed to have sex with" list. I got him and Matt got Heidi Klum. Well, we both wanted Heidi Klum, but in the end, Matt won :) Anywhoo, I digress. I'm in lust with BOTH Hitches. The smooth-talkin guy who sends Sara Melas the walkie talkie when she won't give him her phone number AND the bumbling idiot who knocks her out with the jet ski and tracks down a long lost relative who turns out to be a serial killer. Because no matter what he does, he's still smokin' hot and sexy as all hell. And, let's face it girls, it's a total turn on when a man's not afraid to chase a woman's car down the street to tell her he loves her! (Cuz you know that happens all the time in real life!) Honorable Mention: Bad Boys 1 & 2 & Enemy of The State and every movie where he wears a wife beater or shows us his bare chest. Thank you God for creating this gorgeous man!
HELL TO THE NO! Will Smith in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
It was a real stretch for me to find a movie that Will Smith did NOT look hot in. As you can see, I had to go back almost twenty years to when he was on TV as the Fresh Prince and hung out with his friend DJ Jazzy Jeff. I can safely say I would not have done the deed with this version of my beloved Will. (Even though I did really love his song, "Parents Just Don't Understand"!) And regarding the questionable choice of overalls, I'd prefer to believe he was merely a victim of bad early 90's fashion--just like all of us. Honorable Mention: Hitch--during the allergic reaction.
xoxo Liz & Lisa