Don Julio made me do it!
I just returned from a fabulous Mexican vacation sans kids and I have to tell ya, it was much needed break from the daily grind. Between the spotty cell service and low Mexicano wi-fi signal, I was detached from the world whether I liked it or not!
Well, almost detached from the world...if you don't count the fact that it was a company-sponsored awards trip so over a hundred of my colleagues were also in attendance. Lisa and I generally have a policy not to talk about our "day jobs" on this blog but I'm going to make an exception this one time since, well, I just need to tell someone about the hot torrid affair I had while there.
His name was Don Julio. *cough* Actually, his full name is Don Julio Tequila Reposado. And with all due respect to my husband, Don Julio is the smoothest thing I've had slide down my throat in a really long time.
We met Don Julio the first night at the welcome reception and, at first, I was hesitant to embrace what he had to offer. I had been burned by his cousin Jose(Cuervo, that is) and even by their rich uncle Patron. In fact, I thought I had sworn off their family forever after a tequila-induced lap dance contest that went horribly wrong the last time I was in Mexico. In fact, that's probably the reason I had waited ten years to come back!
But Don Julio was different. He really helped me get over the awkwardness of going from PowerPoint presentations and buttoned-up suits at sales meetings to belly-button rings and bikinis at the pool. And like any new relationship, I couldn't wait to get to the bar to see what he was up to. Don Julio could do no wrong as far as I was concerned and the two of us became the life of the party!
And much to my husband's chagrin, I talked about my love for him to anyone that would listen.
Have a hangover? Don Julio insists he can make you feel better again!
Having trouble getting your buzz on for Cabo Wabo? A little kiss from Don Julio and you'll be climbing the catwalk!
Nervous about networking? Don Julio has a three-point strategy for you that includes salt, lime and a whistle.
Donnie J(that was my nickname for him) and I went everywhere together. And I had talked him up so much to others that they became interested in meeting him too. But like any hot and heavy relationship, we were destined to burn ourselves out. And after a night at Cabo Wabo that included catwalk cougar dances and a near run-in with the Federales , Don Julio and I called it quits. I just couldn't be with someone who made me feel so bad the morning after. Someone who dehydrated me and ruined my anti-stress massage because I was too dizzy to lie flat on my stomach.
And it hurt when I saw Don Julio move on so quickly, like I was was just another notch in his hand-embroidered belt. I couldn't even look him in the eye as I watched my former flame hook up with other girls on our last night there. I shook my head and tried to warn them that even though Donnie J had given them to courage to dirty dance with their boss's boss's boss, they would regret it in the morning. But like me, they needed to learn their lesson the hard way. And when I saw those same girls boarding the airport shuttle the next day holding their heads in shame and looking like ass on a stick, I gave them a quiet nod to show that I understood. We had all been burned by the same man.
And in an effort to circumvent any corporate backlash that may come from my antics, I have assembled a Don Julio made me do it list just in case...
It wasn't my fault! Don Julio made me:
*Climb up a questionable ladder to a catwalk at Cabo Wabo and scream at the twenty-something cuties in the band like a Cougar in heat.
* Do my best impersonation of a top twenty finalist on "So You Think You Can Dance" on above-mentioned catwalk and then proceed to ask everyone if they had my ticket to "Vegas".
*Ask the man walking around with tequila shots and a whistle to show us what he had under his Poncho. (And trust me, you don't want to know...)
* Made the ultimate vacation fashion faux pas by wearing a straw cowboy hat even though I clearly knew better.
*Danced to Bon Jovi with a man dressed like a sweaty pirate for ten minutes before realizing it was actually my counterpart at work.