No, I wasn't about to give birth.
Nope, I wasn't about to walk down the aisle and commit myself to one man for the rest of my life.
And no, I wasn't about to get my first Brazilian bikini wax since the baby was born, er, three months before.
I was about to...
fly half-way across the country with my baby for the first time.
Cue dramatic music from something scary. Like Poltergeist. Or the Exorcist. Or The Nate Burkus Show.
You'd have thought I was preparing for a three-week cruise to the Caribbean the way I packed for my first four-day trip to California with the baby. The poor hubs looked like a Sherpa as he hauled our, count 'em, twelve bags and various baby gear out to the cab. (In hindsight, we should have ordered two taxis as it probably wasn't fair to make the hubs ride on the roof!)
You name it, I'd packed it- and then some...and some...and some.
Diapers? Forget the flight to Cali. I had enough to fly around the world.
Wipes? I could've wiped the ass of every baby within a two thousand square mile radius.
Spare Outfits? My daughter's suitcase could've put Suri Cruise's closet to shame.
But beyond being prepared for anything my baby could need, I was trying to be prepared for what type of traveler she would be.
What if she decided that thirty thousand miles up was the place she should have her inaugural public melt down?
Well it turns out my baby was a perfect angel. The kind that our flight mates remarked on at the end of the flight. Wow, you're lucky. Is she always so good?
But her mommy? Not so much.
Turns out, mommy was the problem. Mommy who was so frazzled going through security that she practically offered her baby up to be body searched. Mommy who got upgraded to first class and after consuming her second glass o' bubbly became obsessed with babbling baby talk at her baby. Mommy who probably broke some unwritten rule of the friendly skies and changed her daughter's diaper in, wait for it, the seat.
But if one of us had to be annoying, better me than her, right? *wink* *wink*
PS: Leave a comment (and make me feel better about being such a "freak") and be entered to win a copy of The Baby Planner by the fabulous Josie Brown. We'll randomly select the winner after 6pm EST on Wed., June 1.