I have a secret. It's shameful and embarrassing. And I do it three times a week. All. Summer. Long. I watch Big Brother.
Each year I tell myself I'm NOT going to watch it. With so little time to watch TV in the first place, why in the HELL would I choose a show that's on, count 'em, THREE times a week? And if I were going to watch a show that often, should it really be about self-absorbed drama mongers trapped in a house together for three months?
Why yes it should.
You see, there's something addicting about BB. I find myself constantly checking out the Twitter feed of the dude who watches the live feed 24/7 (oh yes, there is one!) to get up to the minute updates on the house. What is Rachel crying about now? Who is Brendon bullying? Are Jeff and Jordan really that freakin' likeable ALL THE TIME? (I think the answer may be yes...)
And I *may* have even considered subscribing to Showtime to get Big Brother After Dark. Although I'm sure it would just be more of the same. Fight, make-up, repeat. But where else will you find contestants who lie about being a "VIP cocktail waitress" because they think others will be jealous or contestants that are so bored they steal the chess pieces and try to set someone up to take the fall?
But really, who can blame them? If I was trapped in a house for that long with no TV, internet or even a freakin' BOOK to read, I would want to kick someone's ass all the time too. Not to mention the fact that there are cameras EVERYWHERE. (Yes, even in the bathroom!) Oh, the things people will do to win $500,000.....
I've been trying in vain the past six weeks to find other people who watch BB. But either the hubs and I are the only one tuning in each week or people are ashamed to admit that, they too, enjoy watching Jeff pick his nose hairs. (OF COURSE they have a camera in the bathroom mirror!)
But don't worry my dear friends, it's not too late for you to join the fun. And I'm going to give you five reasons to set your TiVO for this hot mess ASAP.
1. The girls you love to hate I can't decide which girl in the house makes me crazier. Kalia's inflated sense of her own awesomeness, Danielle's devious game play, Shelly's incessant smoking (a poster child of why you shouldn't if there ever was one!) or Rachel's horrible ear-piercing laugh. But I just can't get enough of those crazy bitches.
2. SLOP Each week some of the houseguests have to survive on this disgusting colored oatmeal and sleep on boards masquerading as beds with fluorescent lights on 24/7. Oh, and in case you were wondering, not eating or sleeping for a week doesn't make people CRAZY at all.
3. Shirtless men They may be annoying, but if you turn down the sound you can enjoy them shirtless each episode. I guess that's what happens when you're stuck in a house all summer with nothing else to do but work out. They may not be allowed to eat, but there are plenty of free weights available!
4. Host Julie Chen I am fascinated by this woman. She dresses like my grandmother (the suits! The hair!) and reads each cue card like she's a robot. They don't call her the Chen-bot for nothing, y'all.
5. Jeff and Jordan Okay, so maybe I'm in love with them. Brought back this season as a "twist" (The Chen-bot LOVES twists!), they are the most likeable reality TV couple that I've seen (and I've seen a lot, people). It may be the fact that they are on BB with the most UNLIKABLE couple EVEH (Brendon + Rachel=gagfest) that makes them look so good. Either way, I want to double-date them. Jeff and Jordan, are you reading this? Call me!
So there you have it. Tune in with me on Wednesday, Thursday and Sundays! Are you in? And what are you watching this summer? Tell me!