Ben Flajnik

The Bachelor: The 10 reasons Ben REALLY chose Courtney

(NON) SPOILER ALERT: Unless you've been living under a rock or trapped under a large object, you know that the Bachelor, Ben Flajnik proposed to model Courtney Robertson last night. Duh.

And then they broke up.

Cue shock and surprise.

And then with tears in their eyes and Chris Harrison looking on (because of course Chris Harrison would be looking on) they got back together on the After The Final Rose special.

At this point, they deserve each other.

The Bachelor used to have so much mystery. Down to the final seconds, we never knew who was going to get that final rose. Whose leg was going to exit the limo, helicopter, boat, first? Not anymore. Now we have Reality Steve to tell us who gets chosen. And Us Magazine to thank for showing us pictures of Ben with his arms on some other woman's ass and his tongue down another woman's throat (who btw, were just "friends").

So it's no surprise that Ben chose Courtney. Who, in my opinion, was part of one of the most unromantic proposals in Bachelor history. With fake tears glistening in her eyes, she threw off her glove faster than her clothes when she went skinny dipping just to get that ring on her finger. All that was missing was her turning to camera and saying, "I got the ring bitches."

Even though Ben claims he proposed because he "fell in love" and they had such a strong connection, here's why he REALLY chose Courtney:

1. She didn't ride in on a horse. (Sorry Lindzi.) Instead she strode in with a plan ("I'm in it to win it") and a pronouncement that she was a model.  Note to future Bachelorettes, don't try so hard. Walk in on your own two feet- please. Oh, and points if you can say you are a model (even catalog work will do!).

2. She's a model. Sorry girls, but even though she's kind of fugly if you ask me, she was on the cover of Fitness magazine (cue the ooohs and ahhhs). And PS: She skinny dips.

3. She skinny dips. Even Lindzi agrees. On Good Morning America this morning Lindzi told Lara Spencer, "Maybe if I skinny-dipped, I wouldn't be here with you."

4. She's complicated and crazy. (And we know men go crazy for crazy.) She's nice to him but she's mean to the girls. And he just can't "figure out" who the real Courtney is. She's got a little bit of "sass" in her. She caused rifts in the house yet she kissed his ass constantly. She was "intriguing" and I don't care what he says, but he liked that. Also, she's a model and she skinny dips.

5. Wine. I've never seen so much wine consumed- even by the owner of a winery. There's wine on a gondola up to the top of a ski slope, there's wine for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I  wouldn't be surprised if there was a bottle of wine on the back of the toilet. But the bigger question is: How do they prevent purple teeth?

6. She kisses ass. Let's face it, Ben's got himself a little taste of fame right before The Bachelor started (Jennifer Love Hewitt anyone) so as long as Courtney was willing to sit around and tell him he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, he was smitten. And that's pretty much all she did.

7. She played hard to get- even at the end. I hate to say it, but Courtney is a smart ass bitch. Even when it's down to the final two and she's a shoe in, the night before the final rose ceremony, she pulls back and creates doubt in Ben's mind that she might not say yes.

8. She was able to overlook Ben's hideous outfits and overgrown mop. Bad leather jackets, mock turtle necks, suspenders, tank tops, oh my. But then again, I shouldn't give Courtney too much credit. When you're a millionaire wine maker under all those bad clothes and hair, anything is possible.

9. She made a memory book about their time together on the REALITY show. ORIGINAL- not. Oy, vey, Ben, the producers took all those pictures and printed them out. Get a clue.

10. Did I mention she skinny dips?



The Bachelor: Why do men go crazy for crazy?

Happy Valentine's Day, y'all! Not big on the holiday, the hubs (yes, I lured him back!) and I "celebrated" by snuggling up on the couch with a bottle of wine and making fun of watching The Bachelor. Before you read this post, you must check out this hilarious video of The Bachelor's Courtney Robertson getting auto-tuned.  It will make your (Valentine's) Day! (Look for Ben popping up throughout- his head superimposed on different bodies.)

So it's out with the stable-ish PhD student, in with crazy model.

After last night's episode of The Bachelor when Ben (who throughout the show was clad in some of the FUGLIEST tank tops ever made which I thought would have prompted at least one girl to say, I'm outta here) said no rose for you to Emily and Rachel, but kept crazy Courtney who he says he feels "very connected to", I was left to wonder...

why do men always fall for the effing crazies?

We can't forget Michelle whose nickname very quickly became crazy Michelle from Brad Womack's season. She was finally rejected, but I don't think crazy Courtney will suffer the same fate. SPOILER ALERT: Reality Steve claims she and Ben are engaged. *cue shock and surprise*

So why doesn't Ben see any RED FLAGS with Courtney? On their one-on-one date high atop a Mayan temple, Courtney said she had issues with Ben giving Emily a one-on-one because, "Emily had said some nasty things to Courtney." With a glass of wine in hand (I'll be shocked when I see her without vino), she told Ben with a crazy look in her eyes that had she not received a one-one-one date from him she wouldn't have accepted a rose (BULLSH*T) and that she'd "lost the spark, babe" only to regain it five minutes later (?!) as they climbed the stone staircase hand in hand, Ben not looking the least bit concerned (!?) about what he'd just heard, and Courtney, in her voice over, professing with every stair she climbed she was leaving her hurt feelings behind.

Ben also saw no RED FLAGS when the girls in the house warned him against Courtney- yet again- referring to her as a black widow in a bikini.


So I asked the hubs why do men go crazy for crazy. He very plainly said, men think crazies are better in bed.

So thaaaat's it.

And y'all know that when Courtney took Ben in the ocean for a little skinny dipping, that can't be all that went down out there.

It's just so disappointing because he also has Nicki who's nice, Kacie B. who's just so darn cute and Lindzi who's pretty, smart and well, rode in on a horse!...but apparently not crazy enough for Benjamin. SPOILER ALERT: I read that Lindzi's one of the final two. (Poor thing.)

I have to wonder if our little long-haired wine maker is watching these shows as they air--suddenly becoming privy to everything the ladies tried to warn him about--and saying WTF did I get myself into with Courtney? Probably not. Apparently not only does he look for crazy, but also another really appealing quality. Back on top of that Mayan temple, he told Courtney that he also wants someone who's a little bit weird.

But at the end of the day, in all fairness to our crazy mean girl model, I guess we all have a little bit of crazy in us. After all, not only am I still watching this crazy show, but I'm writing about it!

Happy Valentine's Day, ladies!





5 (More) reasons I still watch The Bachelor

 "On a scale of one to 10, I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

Ah, it's highly intelligent statements like this one (among many other reasons coming up in a minute) that keep me watching The Bachelor every week. This is my personal favorite from last night. Spoken by Jaclyn who was upset over the possibility of the cocktail-party-crashing mystery guest getting a rose...

Confession:  Bachelor Ben Flajnik is starting to grow on me just a wee bit. He still needs an effing haircut like nobody's bidness (could his sister not point that out to him???), but there's something about him. He seems, dare I suggest, normal? Well, normal by reality show standards anyway. (And we have to admit he looked pretty good skiing with his shirt off... and did you see the part where he played the piano? *swoon*)

Or perhaps I'm no better than any of the women on the show- I'm simply caught up in the moment, the rose on the table staring me down- making me believe that he. Is. The. One.

But regardless of how I feel about Bachelor Ben, let's face it- he's not what makes The Bachelor a Monday night must-watch- it's the catty, backstabbing, tight (and bad- does anyone else agree?) dress wearing, crying, idiotic statement spewing women who have us pulling up a couch cushion each week.

And as I watched last night, I found myself giddy with excitement yet again. Even though I've seen it all before- even though it's the same Bachelor just a different name. Even though it's the same cocktail party showdowns and tearful exits. Even though it's a total formula-  It never gets old. And I decided that because five reasons I still watch The Bachelor just weren't enough, here are five more. (PS: Be sure to leave a comment about why you watch- or why you don't- and be entered to win a copy of FLY AWAY HOME by fellow Bachelor watcher, Jennifer Weiner. We'll randomly select the winner after 6p.m. PST on Sunday, Jan 22. )

1. The crazy declarations

If we conquer our fear of heights together, we can do anything! (Said by Ben after he climbs the San Francisco Bay bridge with his date, Emily.) Who cares that they've only known each other for two and a half minutes? They've climbed up to a really high place together so they can survive marriage! WTF?

When I walk through the door tonight, I'm going to fall in love with Ben quickly.  These girls are going to hate me but I'm willing to take the risk because he's (Ben's) someone I want to be with for the rest of my life. Spoken by a mystery guest who crashes the cocktail party. Oh and BTW, she doesn't know Ben at all. See #2

2. The (uninvited) mystery guest

I love the drama as the mystery guest is slowly revealed. The hands on the steering wheel. The voice mail left for Chris (Harrison). The legs getting out of the car. The reaction of the girls when she enters the cocktail party. WHO. THE. *#&%. IS. THAT. GIRL? Well, last night it was Shawntel (or whatsherbutt as model, Courtney, so affectionately called her). You remember funeral director Shawntel from Brad's season? Well poor Shawntel's crazy declaration didn't prove true- she didn't get the rose or the love. (And let's face it, had she stayed, the girls would've likely killed her or at the very least beaten her to a freakin' pulp.) But what she did get were a lot of fun comments like:  she's uglier in person and her thighs are thicker than mine (spoken by the SAME girl). The guys she dates go on dates where she draws people's bloodWe don't re-use Brad's dumpster trash And my personal favorite: She rode in here on her high Hearse *cue cymbal*

3. The dates

Scaling the San Francisco Bay Bridge, a private concert by Matt Nathanson, a piano duet. And that was just one date with one girl- Emily. Oh, to be a reality show contestant... *Swoon* To fall in love to the glow of the camera lights. To make out with six producers watching you. To go on one unrealistic date after the next making your expectations so high that it will be virtually impossible to succeed in love in the real world. Wait, maybe I'm wrong. Apparently if you do a death defying stunt together, you'll have no issues living under the same roof, sharing money or raising kids! (See #1). Plus, on what other show can you watch women skiing the streets of San Francisco in their bikinis?

4. Chris Harrison

Gotta love the man. He's got the greatest gig in TV.  He probably makes a sh*t load of money and he's only on the air for about five minutes each week. Although last night he actually got about six minutes because he greeted the mystery guest (told her to freshen up?! See #5) and had to come out a second time to establish that Ben was about to give out the final rose of the evening. (Erika went down hard like a sack of potatoes temporarily halting the rose ceremony.)

5. Jennifer Weiner's live tweets

As if we didn't already love this New York Times bestselling novelist enough for writing fabulous book after fabulous book (can't wait for her upcoming release, The Next Best Thing) she also live tweets The Bachelor! @Jenniferweiner And she's hilarious. (Trust me, her tweets alone are reason enough to watch the show.) Some of my favorites:

She's got thicker thighs than me. She's uglier in person. Wow. Did the meanest girl get a free spray tan? #thebachelor

Hmph. Ben declines to hand out the final rose. Jaclyn's crying like she lost a limb. Or an implant. Something important. #thebachelor

When I'm in charge of everything, The Bachelor will be on every night

And one reason I might have to stop watching...

The tonsil hockey

WTF? Really Ben? I don't know about you, but it wouldn't be a turn on if Ben told me I was the best kisser in the house. Then kissed me again and told me it was still true. Aren't we missing something here? This means he's sticking his tongue down a lot of throats. #gagmewithaspoon