Tyra Banks

Say Cheese! by Liz

_DSC7498I'm a big fan of America's Next Top Model.  Every week, I try to tune that narcissist Tyra out so I can enjoy all the highs, lows and cattiness in between that ANTM has to offer. And even though I rarely take a picture that my eyes aren't closed in, a little part of me looks down on those crazy beyotches each week when they just can't seem to get their schmize on. (For you non-ANTM lovers, that's when you smile with your eyes.  Tyra's obsessed with it!)

So when our publicist finally leveled with us that using a photo that Lisa's fiancee took in Vegas (after three hours at the Blackjack tables!) wasn't going to cut it anymore, we decided to bite the bullet and get some professional shots taken. And even though I've always been photogenically challenged, I still held out hope that this photo shoot would somehow magically eliminate my double-chin or give me my own power-schmize.

Because (photo-shopping) miracles can happen, right?

Um, Wrong.

Lisa and I arrived to the studio, dressed in our bookish best with high hopes.  We tried to brush aside the fact that we were bound to girlfight over our same "good side" and that in over twenty years we've taken exactly three decent photos together. (and those were all snapped after a cocktail!)  And yes, while I will admit that, in the end, we did end up with five that we both liked, I'm here to discuss with you the other 150 pictures that, God-willing, will never see the light of day!

You see, you learn a lot about yourself when your picture is tossed up on a 30 foot screen to be dissected.  And I'd like to share those lessons with you so you too can can ace your next photo shoot. (If you're foolish enough to participate in one!)



My mother has always to told me to sit up straight. But it wasn't until three weeks ago that I understood why she was barking at me about it so much.  This slouch gave Deenie (sorry, abstract Judy Blume reference) a run for her money!  I seemed to gain fifteen pounds and age my boobs twenty years with each inch I slumped!


I've been tilting my ass off for years.  In fact, some might say it's one of my signature moves.  (I'm surprised my neck never got a cramp at Bobby McGees's back in the day!) And until I saw it on film, I always had though of it as endearing.  So either I've always looked like a complete jackass or my tilt has gotten more severe in my thirties.  Because. It. Was. Out. Of. Control.


Lisa and I arrived at the studio in our librarian best after deciding on a "bookish" look. It was time for us to be taken seriously!  And while Lisa seemed to achieve this look with ease, my new soccer-momish do' made it impossible for me to look like anything other then,well, a soccer mom headed to the Fall bake sale.  The lesson here: When in doubt, show more boobie!


It's a proven fact that Lisa and I can be bossy.  Even when we don't know what the f*ck we are talking about.  So we rolled in and proceeded to tell our kind and patient photographer what our good sides were, (we were wrong) what pose would work best, (wrong again!) and what our strengths and weaknesses were in front of the camera. (Completely. Totally. Wrong.)

But, each time, she indulged us.  But I didn't miss the small smile on her face when we gasped as Lisa's "Flat Stanley" appeared on the giant screen.  Or when my nose seemed to double in size on what I had insisted was "the ONLY side" I could take pictures on.

So we probably deserved it when we jokingly asked if we were "the least photogenic people she had ever photographed" and she actually pondered on it and paused for a moment before answering, "Um, no?"

So this post is for you, Lana.  Thank you for saving these two bossy bitches from themselves! xoxo

State of the Union by Liz

I'm not a super political person so my friends might find the fact that I'm giving a State of the Union pretty damn funny.  However, I think it was almost impossible not to feel passionate about the electoral process this past year!  But don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with the State of that Union.  Rather, I'm going to be talking about the State of my union! And like Lisa, I struggled with what to write in my first entry on this blog.  I feel like I'm being introduced to the world and anyone who knows me would agree that the people pleaser part of me really, really wants your approval...

So in an effort to help you get to know me better and in the spirit of politics,  I've compiled a list of what I'm "For" and what I'm "Against".

Liz is for:  Teeny bopper movies, cute scarves on cold, rainy days, The Biggest Loser, hot sourdough bread with butter, Facebook, Perez Hilton, tall men (I married one), sushi, the environment, inner beauty, Reese Witherspoon, Angelina Jolie, Dogs, Macs, Angels, forgiveness, family, H&M, ANTM, The Haitan guy from Heroes, Josh Duhamel(broke my heart when he married Fergie!), Access Hollywood, self-awareness, American Idol and using the F word when appropriate.

Liz is against:  Evites (Sorry if you've recently sent me one...), MySpace, TMZ, Tyra Banks, Elizabeth Hasselback, short men with Napoleon complexes, (sorry about that too!) reptiles, motorcycles, passive-aggressive behavior, tardiness, PCs, The Wiggles, Spongebob Squarepants, bickering, laziness, grudges and hypocrisy.(Or is it hypocritical to be against hypocrisy?)

As Lisa mentioned previously, we started this site because we want the publishing world to know that Chick Lit is alive and well!  Let's face it ladies-we are supposed to be everything to everyone-supermom, superwife, super-employee and do it all while looking super-hot.  So when I'm done being trying to be all those things, the last thing I want to do is sit down and read some depressing Oprah's Book Club shit! Sorry Ms. O, I love you, but I gave up on the book club after The Poisonwood Bible many years ago. If  I want to cry I'll turn on the eleven o'clock news or Dateline!

The women I know and love want to escape and be lost in a story about people they can relate to!  That is why we decided to write I'll Have Who She's Having.  We wanted to read about characters that we would want to be friends with.  Most people can relate to Kate and Kelly, the two sisters depicted in our novel.  Kelly is a new mom who decides to quit her job and stay home and struggles to fit in to her new life and snobby neighbors.  Kate is single, recently dumped and struggling to figure out why all the men in her life are afraid to commit, not realizing that she's looking in all the wrong places. Like many of us, both Kate and Kelly are struggling to find their happy ending!

So let's say it loud and proud! Give women QUALITY movies and books to choose from! Make 2009 is the year of Chick lit!  Happy endings and hot men for everyone! All self-proclaimed "bad-boys" will be tamed by the women who want to change them!  All men will leave the beautiful, mean girl for the mousy underdog!  I mean, come on, with everything going on in the world these days, don't we all deserve a happy ending now and then?

Yes, damnit, you do!  And we're going to give it to you!