Kevin Federline

Potty Peril by Liz

ist2_1985576_i_did_it_potty_training_a_boy People that know me well will tell you that I'm not a scaredy cat by nature. That I laugh in the face of danger!  Okay, so maybe I don't laugh at it, but I will snicker at it occasionally.

But I must admit there are a few things that strike fear in my heart.  Things that are so horrible that I get a shiver down my spine just thinking of them.  Things like bad bikini waxes and colon cleanses. Or the thought of Britney and K-Fed getting back together.  Or something else that I experienced this weekend and lived to blog about.

Potty Training.

Okay, so maybe I'm being slightly melodramatic.  After all, my daughter figured it out in three hours flat.  We were shopping at Target and getting our nails painted by 3pm! But this time around, we weren't dealing with a sweet, people-pleasing little girl.  We were dealing with a dick.  Well, um, I mean a penis.  Well, what I really mean is that he has a penis.  And I was tasked this weekend with showing that stubborn little boy what to do with it.

After this experience, I'm shaking my head at the assumption that men are supposed to be the superior gender.  Whoever said that has obviously never potty trained one!  I'm definitely voting for Hilary next time.

And while I'm happy to report that things seem to be going well after an incredibly rocky start,(who knew that they were supposed to sit down on the potty?  Sorry!  I've only seen it done standing up!) I thought I would share some pearls of wisdom that came to me in the past 48 hours.

Liz's Potty Pearls of wisdom

1. Take the time to give proper names to anatomy so that your daughter doesn't keep telling your son to push his "vagina stick" down so he doesn't pee all over the floor.

2. Okay, so the first time he took a dump in his Hulk underwear I thought he just didn't get it.  The second time I questioned my potty game plan.  The third time, I realized he was just f*cking with me.  Typical man!

3. Don't go out drinking the night before, no matter how much fun that harbor cruise sounds. Keeping your gag reflex in check is a lot harder with a hangover. (See number 2.)

4. I know I already mentioned this, but it must be said again: Why doesn't anyone tell you about the whole sitting down thing? And watching him shove his penis down like a bag of weed he's trying to hide?  I'll never be the same again.

5. What?  He's just asked me to leave the bathroom so he could have his "privacy"?  Is this same kid that peed on his bike two hours ago?  I see that like most men, it didn't take him too long to get "cocky". (pun intended.)

xoxo Liz