Maternity Monday: Open Letter To The Third Trimester

Dear Third Trimester, Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm f***ing over you, dude!

Oh how I'm missing the second trimester. He was so kind to me- making me feel all glowy and cute and sassy. Sometimes I daydream, remembering the days of no hip pain and being able to breathe. You know, the little things... I know you're just doing your job and getting me to my delivery date, but you should know that I'm just not that into you.

Thanks to you, I might as well cancel my gym membership and join Curves. The other day a seventy-five year old woman broke a sweat power-walking on the treadmill next to me while I could hardly move one foot in front of the other.

But to be fair, perhaps you shouldn't shoulder all of the blame-- maybe the the second trimester could've warned me that YOU were coming. I was in such a blissful state full of energy and excitement that when you showed up, I felt like I was hit over the head with a giant box of Pampers.

Faster than you can say "heartburn" I would've prepared myself for your arrival. Because just like clockwork, the day you showed up on the scene, my skin began to break out, all I wanted to eat was chocolate, I began waddling like a duck and sleep became non-existent. In fact, it was one morning- about 2:30 a.m. that I had the idea to write this letter to you. I was peeing- yet again- and overcome with frustration- tired of spending more sleeping hours on the toilet than in my bed. Why couldn't you just let me sleep through the night once? And spare me your excuse that you and mother nature are working together to prepare me for what's to come. Whatevs. You and I both know you could give me a night here and there and nobody would get hurt.

And do you really find it necessary that I still randomly hurl? Sometimes I feel like you're getting some sick and twisted pleasure out of this. Like you and the first trimester are in cahoots because you're jealous of my relationship with the second trimester?!

Can we cut some sort of deal here? Like if I agree to stop trashing you on my blog you won't seal my fate and make me spend the last few weeks of my pregnancy sleeping in a chair or worse, standing up?! (I have a friend you did that to!) Or maybe you'll spare me swollen ankles? Or give me a night off from heart burn?

Well, Third Trimester, it looks like either way, we've got eight weeks and six days until the estimated delivery date. So I call a truce. Despite my rants, I've loved being prego (yes, I'm one of those women) and think there's been nothing else in my life this amazing (sorry, honey, but I promise our wedding day was a close second *wink* *wink*). So if you're unwilling to make a deal, I'll suck it up and power on. Because, honestly, I can handle this. I really can. Because in the end, no matter what happens in the next two months (and I realize it could get ugly), the day my baby is born you'll be a distant memory (at least I pray you will).



**Calling all moms, moms-to-be or men/women with an opinion: Leave a comment here and be entered to win a copy of Baby Love by Norah O'Donnell and Chef Geoff Tracy. We'll randomly select the winner on Wednesday! **

Watch This, Not That: Pregnancy Edition By Lisa

Since becoming pregnant (I'm 20 weeks!), some of my television watching choices have been more than slightly affected. Let's just say there's certain television programming that I cannot watch and have to stay very far away from. (I'll spare you the details!) Instead, I'd rather focus on the shows my big belly self wants to lounge on the couch and watch.  Basically anything prego, hot man or DIY related!

1. Bethenny Getting Married? Confession: When Bethenney was on The Real Houswives of New York City, she kind of bugged me. I have no idea why, with all the drama queens on that show, she stood out. But then something happened. She got her own show and I immediately saw her in a different light. She got pregnant right around the time I found out I was pregnant. And I felt strangely bonded to her. I'm "older", she's "older". I got married later, she got married later. In fact, we both had whirlwind years- marrying and and getting pregnant within months. I think she's one of those people you either love or hate- but I absolutely love her. I love her zingy one liners and direct approach with people like her lovable, albeit often clueless intern. And I'll admit that maybe I've become a little obsessed- searching for an hour the other day to find the exact stroller she had on the show!

2.Mad Men Since entering my second trimester, I've dreamed about Don Draper (John Hamm), um, more times than I'd like to admit (it's almost embarrassing- almost!). They said "certain hormones" would finally kick in and boy, have they evuh! In the form of having the major hots for one dark and sexy leading man on one of my all-time favorite shows. Now ladies, if you haven't tuned into Mad Men- if for no other reason than to scope out Mr. Draper, you're seriously missing out! But even beyond this sexy drink of water (okay, I need to stop!) the show is fabulous! It's some of the most brilliant writing on television. Not to mention the mean girl crush I have on another series regular, Joan Harris, (Christina Hendricks) because, well, she just has curves in all the right places! I actually didn't discover this show until last year and was immediately hooked. I quickly rented all the seasons until I caught up. And I recommend you do too! But beware, between all the drinking (on the job!) and sexing (with everyone and anyone) the show makes you want to be naughty! (Or maybe it's just me- the drink deprived, hormone surging prego?)

3. DIY Network There's Garage Mahal, Kitchen Impossible and Bathtastic to name just a few. I'm such a die-hard fan that I even watch Man Caves. There's something about the idea that I can lay my own tile that gets my juices flowing.  I blame my obsession with DIY on my pregnancy. I'm nesting, right? Isn't that what pregos do? I feel so empowered by being able to "do it myself" that I'm planning to paint the nursery, install a closet organizer and put together the crib by. my. self. Because if the dude from Turf Wars says I can, then I can.  Right?

xoxo, Lisa