Defending my "shmove" By Lisa

off insect repellent I was checking out at my new Tarjay the other day when the salesgirl asked for my ID. (Woo hoo! *Does cheerleading kicks and hurdles inside her head*) But as great as that feeling was, that's unfortunately not my story. (I must also begrudgingly note that after doing ridonculous mental cheerleading routine, I spotted a sign that read: Card anyone who looks under the age of FORTY). But I digress.

My story actually goes a little something like this:

Me: With overly excited expression plastered on face, hands salesgirl ID. Tries to calculate just how young she might think I am. Simultaneously decides that I need to get a f***ing life.

Salesgirl: Looks at driver's license and face lights up. "California? Oh! You must be VIS-I-TING!"

Me: Looks past salesgirl out the window at the dark, ominous sky and reluctantly sets the record straight. "Um, no."

Salesgirl: Not skipping a beat as she bags the red wine and the bulk toilet paper."Well, then what are you doing here?"

Me: Rubs thumb gingerly over the word California as places ID back in wallet. "I just moved here."

Salesgirl: (Insert confused expression- think Forrest Gump meets George W.) "Why?"

And that's the million dollar question I'm asked more than any other.  Some of my favorite variations are:

"You did WHAAAAT?"

"Um, don't you think you went the WRONG direction?"

"Did you miss a turn somewhere?"

"What bet did you lose?"

But most commonly, It all boils down to that one-syllable, unmistakable word.


Well, after fifty-one days, 18 hours and 22 minutes, (but who's counting?) my "shmove" has ever-so-slowly become more of a "move" and threatened to catapult me to an official resident of The Land of Lincoln. And therefore, I suppose I must explain. So, without further adieu, here are my reasons why:

#1 Life-long desire to give up boring, routine 72 degree weather.

#2 Long walks on the beach really are so cliche'!

#3 I was getting really tired of having all those championship sports teams around me!

#4 Celebrity sightings at your regular coffee shop can be such a distraction to your daily routine!

#5 Flying four hours to get to Vegas is AWESOME!

#6 Off! mosquito repellent has new, fantastic scents! Who needs Burberry Brit when you can wear Tropical Breeze!

#7 When you wish as hard as I did for a MAN IN MY BED, when you finally get him, you'll damn near follow him anywhere!

xoxo, Lisa