The Amazing Race

What's on Liz & Lisa's Bucket List?

We're still jumping up and down Oprah audience member style over your overwhelming support of the publication of our second novel, The D Word and the re-release of our debut book, I'll Have Who She's Having . Thank you! Warning: Shameless self promotion coming in 5, 4, 3, 2...1

And...don't forget about  The D Word HUGE ASS giveaway!

Here's how the contest will work-It's simple!
  • Buy The D Word (only 2.99!) and email us the receipt at to receive an entry to the contest. There is no limit on the number of entries. Every copy of The D Word purchased= one entry.

All receipts must be received by TUESDAY JUNE 21st at MIDNIGHT PST and this contest open to US/Canada only.

We also have ONE more way you can win a great prize:

If you post a review of EITHER The D Word or I'll Have Who She's Having on GoodReadsBarnes & Noble or Amazon and send us the link to the review to by July 14, 2011 at midnight PST, you'll be entered to win a DXG 720p high-defintion camera. You can receive one entry for the review of each book for a maximum of two entries.  Doesn't matter if you've loved or absolutely hated the book(although we're crossing our fingers you like it...), you'll still be entered to win!  We'll choose the winner by random drawing. US/Canada Only.

So we just have to say that we're loving participating in our own features (and hope you are too!?) like Tuesday's 5 Things You didn't know...yesterday's 5 Do's and a Do-Over and today's Bucket List.

ON THAT NOTE: We may be attached at the hip (even while living 2,000 miles apart). We may also have many of the same likes- Macbooks, hot men under twenty-five (Roar!) and getting our gamble on in Vegas, to name a few. And we've obviously known each other a very, very long time (to put it in perspective, parachute pants were a wardrobe staple when we met). But we happen to have very different lists of what we'd like to accomplish before, um, it's all said and done.


Liz's Bucket List

1. Start a charitable foundation. I don't know about you, but I always feel so helpless when I read stories about people that need help.  Especially if has anything to do with kids or animals(cue waterworks!).  My brother works with the amazing human rights agency  IJM, that that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression.  So I have this secret dream of coming up with a large sum of money(But I thought I'd look like an ass if I put "winning the lottery" on this list) and poach him from IJM to start my foundation.  What would my foundation do, you ask?  I haven't got that far yet.  But I know that I'd be able to pick up the phone and *really* help next time I'm watching the nightly news.

2. Become a foster parent. Okay, so let me just say up front that I have no business putting this on my bucket list.  Between my two kids, two dogs, full-time job and my writing, I barely have time to breathe most days, let alone take on another child.  But there's something in me that REALLY wants to.  Like a heart-hurting, lump-in-throat-inducing reaction whenever I read something about fostering or talk to others who have.  So we'll see.  Oh, it would probably help if the hubs was on board with it too, right?  For now, I'm working on asking him if we can foster an animal.  Baby steps, people.

3. Be a contestant on The Amazing Race. Even though I turn into a complete bitch when I'm hot, hungry or tired, I'm dying to be on this show.  So when Lisa told me HELL TO THE NO when I asked her to be my partner, I decided to take the next best thing-her husband.  We applied in February with a very poor Flip video that featured an introduction from *someone* that was postpartum and VERY cranky. (Lisa!)  So we'll try it again with a new video and cross our fingers.  Although I think Lisa and my husband may be crossing our fingers that we won't!

Lisa's Bucket List

1. Own a beach house. There's something about the ocean, the waves, the sand (okay, maybe not the sand so much) that centers me. That clears my head and makes me feel like I can do anything. So someday, whether it be in Maui, Manhattan Beach (or even both!), I will own a home that overlooks the ocean. Even if it's a little shack amidst mansions, I'll take it.

2. Travel around the world. As cliche as it may be, it's definitely on my list to travel, travel, travel. I'm lucky that my passport has already been stamped numerous times. But there are still so many countries I want to see (China, Germany, Greece- to name a few). I love to to experience different ways of life, the foods (oh how I love the food- and drink!) and the history. There's something about being far from home that excites me. In my dream scenario, I'd be able to pack up and travel for months on end before heading back to reality.

3. Sit courtside at the Lakers. I want to be Jack Nicholson. I want to sit courtside at every Lakers game. yes, we're talking courtside season tickets. I want to overhear Leo Dicaprio's conversation and high five with Justin Timberlake. Kobe Bryant can drip his sweat on me. Pau Gasol can throw a ball in my face. Derek Fisher can fall on me. I'll take it all! I'm a huge Lakers fan and can think of nothing better than being that close to the action!


Liz & Lisa


Breaking and Entering by Liz

That Monday started out like any other day.  My daughter and I ran out to run a few errands for an hour.  I was sipping on my green iced tea from Starbucks.   I thought about sneaking over to buy that cute scarf I had been eyeing at Loehmanns.   But then I came home.

It took a minute to process the empty space where our TV used to sit and the broken pieces of my side door sitting on the floor. And as I grabbed my daughter by the hand and ran back into the garage and into the safety of my car, I just couldn’t get over the fact that we had been robbed.  That shit only happened to other people, right?

Later, as we walked through and took inventory of our house, I mentally took an inventory of my feelings.  Knowing that someone had been watching, waiting for us to leave left me speechless.  The fact that they had taken my beloved Macbook and every piece of jewelry that I owned besides the wedding ring I had been wearing seemed like a side note.  Because in reality, they had taken so much more. 

They had stolen my sense of well-being in a neighborhood I had felt safe in for years.  There were a ton of things I could have done to make their job so much harder. But my misguided belief that those types of things didn’t happen in my community basically handed them my belongings on a silver platter. 

After that day, the world looked a little different.  The dark corners seemed a bit scarier, the noises that went bump in the night felt a bit louder.  It reminded me of the time right after I had my daughter, when all the many things in the world I had to protect her from overwhelmed and terrified me.  I felt pangs of that same fear now.

But like with all bad things that happen, a silver lining appears if you’re willing to look for it. Like the fact that I’m highly allergic to almost all of my jewelry and wasn’t able to wear it anyway. And after the break-in, the hubs gave the green light on getting a big ass dog, something I had been begging for. (Although this wasn’t how I planned to get my way! I swear!)

 And from the moment we found Sasha at the shelter and brought her home, we were in love with her.   And we thought she loved us too. 

 Until that bitch ran away. 

She ran past me like a bolt of lightning when I opened the door and took off immediately to the busiest road (of course!), where one step off the sidewak would turn her into doggy kibble. 

 I dropped my purse and phone in the driveway and sprinted after her in my paper flip-flops(I had just come from a man-pedi with extra massage!) About a half-mile into my chase, I ditched those shitty paper shoes and started running barefoot.  But it was to no avail.  She wouldn’t come to me, and now that I was aware that I lived in the kind of neighborhood that gets robbed, I knew I had better hightail it back to my Loius Vuitton pronto. 

So my out-of-shape ass sprinted Amazing Race style all the way back.  Tears in my eyes, I grabbed my purse and keys.  How the f*ck was I going to explain to the kids that Mommy lost the dog?  The only damn dog we had looked at that hadn't thought the kids were Scooby snacks?  How were we going to find another one? And what the hell was wrong with her anyway?  I bought that bitch a seventy dollar bed and massaged her paws! So now a homeless rescue dog was too good for us?  WTF? And why hadn’t I started that P90x I bought from that creepy guy on Craig’s List last month?  I was heaving  and coughing like I was about to have a heart attack. (And I have the broken blood vessel in my eye to prove it!)

 I had told myself that I wouldn’t let the robbery make me feel like everything was going wrong, but this whole dog breakout thing was going to seriously hamper those efforts.

 I began to back out the driveway, ready to comb the neighborhood. I still had a few hours to find her before the kids got home.  Then I heard a honk and saw a car pull up behind me.  Jumping out, I immediately saw Sasha smiling in the backseat.  The sight of me chasing my dog down the street in paper shoes had compelled this woman, this angel, to stop what she was doing and follow us.  When I gave up and turned back to get my car, she continued following Sasha until she could coax her into the car.  This time, being watched and followed had been a blessing.  I don’t know what I more thankful for: the fact that she had brought the dog we had fallen in love with home or that this one act of kindness made the world look bright again.

 The moral of my story?  The next time you have a chance to help someone out-do it.  You have no idea the incredible impact your one small act can have on another.  Oh, and use your deadbolt! I wish I had.

Also, there's still plenty of time to leave a comment here  to be entered in Liz & Lisa's Favorite Holiday Things giveaway for your chance to win a Blackberry Curve, A Sony eReader and so much more! And don't forget to "like" our Facebook page too!

xoxo, Liz

The Amazing (disg)Race by Liz & Lisa

adv_amazingrace5Sunday night, Liz texted Lisa the same message she's sent her every Sunday for the past three years. Dude, we should try out for the Amazing Race! It would be soooo fun!

And Lisa's thumbs couldn't type fast enough as she responded the same way she has every Sunday for the past three years.

F**kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Nooooooooooooooo!!!

But ...thank you for giving me an idea for a blog post!

I'm sorry to tell you that you are the last team to arrive~Phil Keoghan

Liz says:  Come on, Let's race!

Oh, Amazing Race, How I love thee! And even though my current idea of adventure is staying at a three-star hotel, I think I would love schlepping around the world with nothing but a passport and the three nasty outfits that I shoved into my backpack.  I mean, what better way to lose weight than to run through the streets of Dubai in 130 degree heat?  Nevermind the fact that I usually start sweating the second the barometer breaks 85 and that I consider a trip to the Bahamas an international vacation.

And even though Lisa and I sometimes spend thirty minutes arguing over sentence structure, I'm sure we'll get along famously!  If we survived the bad fashion of the 80's and 90's together, we can surely herd some Japanese tourists and ducks like nobody's business or eat a wasabi bomb in thirty seconds!

While I'm sure Lisa will make a strong case against our Amazing Race union, I'm here to plead my case for an appearance next season.

1. We get to hang out with Phil, who is smokin' hot AND has an accent! I'm sure that we'll look awesome after jogging through the streets of China in our underwear or taking a dip in the crisp, clean waters of Vietnam.  And although I can't leave the house without burning my hair into submission for thirty minutes with a flat iron, I think our new au natural look will be a big hit! Isn't it time for frizzy hair and thick eyebrows to make their well-deserved comeback?

2. Free Publicity for Chick Lit is not Dead Admit it, we could really use the exposure. No publicity is bad publicity, right?  Plus, it's either this or tying a chair to some mylar balloons and sending my five-year up for a ride. And this way I don't have to break any laws or be ridiculed on CNN. Because, admit it, we all know I'll be edited as "the nice one"! Sorry, Lisa.

3. Endless Blog fodder and Facebook status updates My only concern is that many of Lisa's updates would start with Lisa is ready to kill Liz because...

4. What a great workout! There's nothing like springing through foreign countries in extreme weather conditions to get your ass in shape!  Nevermind the fact that we both will become crazy beyotches if we skip lunch or don't drink water every five minutes.  I'm sure it will all work out fine! (And make for great TV if it doesn't...)

Lisa says:  Are you F'ing kidding me?

For the record, I'd like to state that I'm in love with The Amazing Race. One of my favorite pastimes is sitting back and WATCHING the teams of two nearly kill each other as they try to find a one inch snowman in a twenty five foot pile of snow. From the Newly Datings (oh the poor, innocent things) to the We've been engaged for nine years but aren't sure if we should get marrieds (what an iron clad way to strengthen your relationship!) to the requisite We're freakishly hot and SWEAR we don't have sex couples. (Well, if you weren't having it before, running through the streets of New Dehli aint gonna help the mojo!) I love them all! (The angry/violent hearing impaired guy and his freakishly strong mom were my favorite!)

And even though I also heart Liz and think she's incredibly talented and creative, trying out for The Amazing Race is, hands down, one of the worst ideas she's ever had! (Well, if you don't count her recent decision to mix Tequila and Smirnoff this past weekend.) So, here's my case for why our only "Amazing Race" should be meeting our December book deadline.

1. Um, Phil, is it against the rules for me to strap a GPS to my camel? My idea of following a map is inputting an address into my car's navigational system.  I'm quite confident I would have an easier time finding a Starbucks in Bakersfield than I would trying to track the lady in the purple scarf in a busy square in Bangkok. I still have to confirm directions to O'Hare and Liz expects me to try to find a yodeler at the base of the Swiss Alps? WTF?!

2. There's no bottled water in Zimbabwe? Considering my constant dehydration even if the best conditions, I could easily be the first AMAZING RACE contestant to murder her teammate over lack of H2O. So if Liz wants to live to see her 37th birthday, she should probably just continue to lust after her boy Phil from afar.  Maybe stalking him off-season would be easier?

3. Do you think I can pop my enzymes before I eat a cricket in Cairo? Um, Liz knows I can barely consume a perfectly made American hamburger without digestive aids. So the fact that she wants me to consider downing a wasabi bomb with a side of scorpion tail is more than upsetting. Constipation +bloating = distended belly, bad TV and, did I mention bad TV?

4. I don't do alliances! I know my people-pleasing friend, Liz will want to team up with the cute guys or help the requisite hillbillies that can barely read the signs in English. (Let alone Japanese!) And all I can say is Hells to the No's. I'm not sharing my ladle, my internet cafe location or my Gas-X with anyone!

xoxo, Liz & Lisa

DVR Drama by Lisa

MoxiDVR Before I "shmoved" to Chicago, I lived alone for a really, really, really long time.

Did I mention it was a long time?

Well, when you're the only one under your own roof, you take certain things for granted. Like...

  • When you get home at the end of the day, the last half of your cheesecake is exactly where you left it.
  • Your clean clothes can sit in piles on your bedroom floor for as. long. as. you. want.
  • The DVR records all of YOUR favorite programs WITHOUT FAIL.

Well, let's just say #1 & #2 I can live with but #3, well, that's not negotiable. Because to put it mildly...

Momma needs her f***ing TV!

Back home in Cali, my DVR was a well-oiled machine, like a fine wine--aged to perfection. I'd spent a painstaking amount of time and energy getting it just right. From prioritizing my programs to making sure there was padding at the beginning and end of my favorite shows "just in case" there was a supersized episode-I'd done it all. I never missed a show. Not even a Jersey Housewives reunion. Until...

I cohabitated.

And since I shmoved in with my beloved future hubby, my DVR situation has become

one. hot. mess.

So far, I've missed..

  • The premiere of Grey's Anatomy (Yeah, I'm one of the six people who still watch!)
  • Several episodes of Project Runway! (Life just isn't whole without a weekly trip to Mood!)

The reasons for this DVR dilemma?

  • The definition of "important" television is a debate in our house. (I say anything that ends with a cliffhanger. He says anything that ends with ball.)

So cut to this past Sunday night.

All was right in the world. The kids were in bed, the refrigerator was cleaned out (don't ask!) and I was sitting comfortably on the couch ready to immerse myself in my own, little television world. A world where...

  • I see Matt's lips moving, but there is no sound.
  • My biggest stress is whether or not it will be an elimination round on the The Amazing Race.

Not so much.

Matt wanted to watch the Chargers game.

And my beloved future hubby's eyes glazed over when I tried to explain why he couldn't just switch over to channel 187. I had two programs recording at the same time! But wanting to be a good wifey-to-be, I dumped Melrose (I only wanted to find out if Ashley was a better actress than lip syncher anyway) so he could watch his ballgame. After, the TV karma gods would be looking out for me and all would be right in the world as I watched my shows, right?

Not so much.

When I turned on The Amazing Race, Instead of Phil Keoghan, I saw Andy Rooney!


According to Matt, who very patiently tried to explain this injustice as I cradled my head in my hands, the end of 60 Minutes had recorded so that meant I wouldn't get the entire episode of The Amazing Race!

But how would I know if those professional poker beeyotches made it through?

Matt slowly explained that this could be an ongoing problem because The Amazing Race may never fully record.


Because of the Central Time Zone. Because of football. And because of 60 Minutes. Long story short, football almost always runs late. 60 Minutes must run in its entirety.

No. Matter. What.

Or, as Matt put it, a bunch of blue hairs (and him) would revolt. So, even if I add padding to the end of The Amazing Race, if a football game goes into OT, I could be screwed. And forced to watch the show, the next day or online. Or worse...

in. real. time.

Gag. And screw you Andy Rooney for ruining my life!

But this is all part of saying, I do, right? Learning to be flexible and to deal with new situations. And learning to, er, compromise.

Um, not so much.

Well, at least not for now.

Not when it comes to my precious TV.

So in the meantime, while I come to grips with reality, I'm going to propose my form of a compromise.

A second DVR.