How to be Zen in 2010 by Liz & Lisa

2010? Really? How did another decade pass so quickly? It seems like just yesterday that we were LOLing over Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction at the Superbowl and shaking our own heads full of hair when Britney Spears shaved hers. Do we even need to bring up that fake British accent?

When the clock struck midnight on New Year's Eve last week, Lisa grabbed her iPhone and kept up our yearly tradition of ringing in the first minutes of the new year, no matter how far we may be from each other.  And after a few awkward moments of slurred screaming, Liz drunkenly declared that 2010 was going to be OUR year.

The year we land an awesome agent!

The year that we get our just-finished manuscript published!

The year we TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Okay, so forget that last one.  It was probably the Champagne talking.  But the other ones?   So. Happening.

So being the Type-A bitches that we are, we decided to set up some serious resolutions to make sure our dreams come true in 2010.

LIZ'S RESOLUTIONS

I couldn't WAIT to say sayonara to 2009.  Between my brother's brush with death to the stress of trying to finish our manuscript, it was a crazy year!  I woke up January 1st with a feeling of peace (and not just because I was still buzzed from my bellinis!) and a feeling that 2010 will be the year that we attain our goals.  Here  are the things I'm resolving to change in 2010...

1. Lose the *gulp* six pounds I gained this holiday season. I promise to never again stand at my kitchen counter and devour 1800 calories of Costco lobster spread and  stale baguette while the Say Yes to the Dress Christmas marathon blares in the family room.

2. Refuse to even crack a smile the next time my husband makes a Jersey Shore joke when the words "The Situation" are used in normal conversation.

3. To start jogging at least three times a week in preparation for the Huntington Beach Superbowl Sunday 5K.  Related Resolution: Stop letting the kids use my unused Bosu ball as a trampoline.

4. Resist making multiple embarrassing references about Lisa's dating past during my Matron of Honor speech at her wedding next month. And make sure to get official MOH dress properly fitted so that my cleavage is not the main attraction at the reception. Related resolution: To control urges to repeatedly request Lady GaGa songs while intoxicated.

5. To try to figure out a better cursing system since my five year old seems to have developed an affinity for spelling.  Damn you California public school system!  I was counting on your low ranking to buy me at least another year.  What the F-*-C-K?

LISA'S RESOLUTIONS GOALS:

I've never been the kind to make a vow on New Year's Eve that I'll do "this" or "that" the following year. That's probably because every year my resolution would've pretty much been the same.

FIND A MAN Or: Related Resolution: Find a man that's not a jerk. Or: Related Resolution: Find a man who's not AS MUCH OF a jerk as the last. Or Related Resolution: Find a decent vibrator.

Well, now that I'm proud to report I've not only found a great man but he can also confidently co-exist in the same house with certain said paraphernelia, I'm in a resolution kind of mood.

1. Lose five pounds. Damn you, Knot.com! You just won't back off. You keep sending me emails that the wedding is less than two months away (BTW- I know that!) and that I'd better get. in. shape.  I can't help that during the holidays I gave into that extra piece of pie or that, er, third helping of mashed potatoes because I knew my big, bulky, Midwestern sweaters would hide the weight! Related Resolution: Simply stop eating meat and potatoes for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

2. Stop wearing sweatpants and bulky socks to bed. I preface this by saying that it's 15 degrees DURING THE DAY here. Don't even talk to me about the night. But, yes we have a heater and a humidifier. (I only just learned what the latter was). So, there's really no excuse for how incredibly unsexy I've been this winter (sorry honey!). So, in the words of Justin Timberlake, I vow to bring sexy back! (Or at the very least to lose the socks)!  Related Resolution: Stop canceling on my bi-weekly wax appointment!

3. Stop buying cute winter clothes. I can't help it. When it's cold as balls and you're face is red and your skin is dry, you at least want to dress in a cute outfit to try to offset all the winter-induced ugliness. This California girl used to happily live in a world where UGGS were worn only on nights that dipped below 60 degrees.  So once she discovered the many, many styles of cute boots and coats, it was ovuh.

4. Get over my burning desire to do the Macarana at my wedding. Matt's said it won't be funny. My mom threw her arms up in disgust. Even Liz gave me the eye.  So, I know I can't tell my DJ to play it now because it won't be any fun to do the dance by myself. But I refuse to give up Bel Biv Divoe, Rob Base or Shout! (Yeah, you read that right!) Related Resolution: Keep Liz from the DJ so she can't request Lady GaGa. Nothing ruins a buzz faster than her rendition of Paparazzi!

HAPPY NEW YEAR From Chick Lit is not Dead!  Now, tell us- what are your 2010 resolutions?

xoxo,

Liz & Lisa

25 Things Liz & Lisa want to know about Liza Palmer

This has been a spectacular year at Chick Lit is Not Dead, and we've been thrilled to feature such esteemed authors as Emily Giffin, Jennifer Weiner, Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus. And this month is no different as we host Liza Palmer. Oh, Liza...How we love thee!  From her insightful novels right down to her hilarious tweets, she can do no wrong in our book.  So it's fitting that we end 2009 with the 25 things that we must know about her!

Liza's latest novel, A Field Guide to Burying Your Parents is a must read about an a woman who must face her past when her estranged father becomes ill.  Her other novels include Seeing Me Naked and Conversations With the Fat Girl. Like her 25 Qs, her books are warm, funny and relatable.  We heart her!

And speaking of her 25 Qs, Liz was excited to find out that Liza would make an awesome Trivial Pursuit partner and Lisa was happy to know that she was in good company when grinding her teeth in the middle of the night.  And her favorite curse word made us LOL!

Chick Lit is Not Dead presents...

The 25 things readers want to know about Liza Palmer

1.  Inside my purse, you'll discover: That I'm completely uncomfortable with being idle.  NY Times Crossword puzzles, various books, etc...usually I just put my credit card, my Driver's License and my Starbucks card in my pocket and go.

2.  My secret talent is: I know an astonishing amount of useless trivia.

3.  If stranded on an island, the five things I could not live without are: Pride and Prejudice (the book and the movie - this is going to get a lot of hate mail - but I prefer Matthew MacFadyen), Earl Grey Tea, Shortbread Cookies and a Bowie knife.

4.  On my nightstand you'll find: My stupid dental nightguard because I grind my teeth at night, my glasses and apparently my ID Card for Nerds R Us, for crissakes.

5.  When I grew up, I wanted to be: a writer!

6.  My worst job: I used to temp at this convention center -  I'd count the take after the weekend's events.  My immediate supervisor taped up butcher paper on the windows so I "wouldn't get distracted."  So, counting pennies at 6AM with butcher papered windows pretty much wins.  And my immediate supervisor would count everything I'd done over again.

7.  My comfort food: Earl Grey Tea (from this little tea shop, Bird Pick) and shortbread.

8.  The location where I write: Coffeeshop

9.  Three songs on my IPOD's most played list: My top 3 are directly related to the writing of Field Guide:  The Healing off the Lady in the Water Soundtrack (488 times), Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol (417) and Breathe Me by Sia (408).  Amazing songs to write to.

10. If I was on the cover of US Weekly, my headline would read: It would have a picture akin to that enigmatic Big Foot snapshot and the headline would read, "Crazed Writer Spotted Away from Computer."

11. The three books that make me think of my childhood: Where the Wild Things Are, Are You There God it's Me, Margaret and Never Cry Wolf by Farley Mowat

12. My favorite Chick Flick: Love Actually

13. My favorite Chick Lit book: Getting Over It by Anna Maxted

14. My "must see" TV: Spaced (BBC Series)

15. My Starbucks order: Venti Americano with room

16. My favorite curse word: MotherF*cking Cocksucker (can I say that???)

17. My celebrity man crush: Seth Meyers

18. My celebrity girl crush: Maggie Gyllenhaal

19. My writer crush: Michael Connelly

20. My last meal before execution: In N Out Burger (Grilled cheese with tomato and ketchup only, fries and a root beer)

21. Three words to summarize my book: Family on Edge

22. It took me _____  to write my book. A year?  I don't know - I have no concept of time

23. My book's original title: Chasing Grace

24. Right now, I'm working on: Book Four - and loving it.

25. Chick Lit is alive & kicking because: It was never dead to begin with.  Stories about women are always going to be relevant.

To read more about the faboosh Liza Palmer, head on over to her very cool website at www.lizapalmer.com.

xoxo, Liz & Lisa

25 Things Liz & Lisa want to know about Christa Ann Banister

It's that time again!  We've been thrilled to host some amazing authors on Chick Lit is Not Dead this year, and we've loved learning 25 new things about each and every one of them. We hope you have too!  This time around we're featuring fabuloso author Christa Ann Banister, whose titles  AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DATES and BLESSED ARE THE MEDDLERS follow travel writer Sydney Alexander on her quest to find love and happiness. Sassy and fun, Banister's books will make you laugh out loud!  She's currently working on her third novel, TUESDAY NIGHTS IN ITALIA.  We can't wait! And as always, we were thrilled to discover that Christa shares our love for fried calamari and the ultimate Chick Lit novel, BRIDGET JONES DIARY.  And Liz was pleasantly surprised that she's not the only one who turns to pasta when she's feeling down!

Without further adieu....

Chick Lit is Not Dead presents.... The 25 things Liz & Lisa want to know about author Christa Ann Banister

1.  Inside my purse, you'll discover: Several shades of Mac lipgloss, whatever book I'm reading at the moment, Orbit soft mint gum, vanilla hand sanitizer, my ancient Motorola cell phone and my fraying-even-more-by-the-day wallet

2.  My secret talent is: Making a mean marinara sauce

3.  If stranded on an island, the five things I could not live without are: My hubby, sunscreen, Bert's Beeswax, Diet Coke and a good book.

4.  On my nightstand you'll find: A few books I'm reading, Juicy Couture body lotion and my watch

5.  When I grew up, I wanted to be: A sportswriter. Or Judy Blume.

6.  My worst job: I've had some doozies, but the real low point was telemarketing for a carpet cleaning company. Not only was everyone in the room smoking while they worked (not fun when you're majorly allergic to ciggy smoke), but my script was so badly written I couldn't get through it without laughing. I lasted only 30 minutes before making my great escape during the first break.

7.  My comfort food: Pasta or ice cream

8.  The location where I write: My home office or the local Starbucks

9.  Three songs on my IPOD's most played list: Ray LaMontagne's "Trouble," Josh Rouse's "Winter in the Hamptons" and Ryan Adam's "Nuclear"

10. If I was on the cover of US Weekly, my headline would read: Yep, It's a Slow, Slow News Week: Relatively Unknown Author Auditions for Third "Twilight" Flick and is Laughed Off the Set. But Rob Pattinson Thought She Showed Promise

11. The three books that make me think of my childhood: Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss, Ramona the Pest by Beverly Cleary and Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume

12. My favorite Chick Flick: Anything with Hugh Grant in it

13. My favorite Chick Lit book: Terribly unoriginal I know, but Bridget Jones' Diary still makes me laugh

14. My "must see" TV: "LOST," "The Office," "Castle" and my cooking shows on Food Network—"Everyday Italian" and "Barefoot Contessa."

15. My Starbucks order: A grande, non-fat caramel macchiato (hot in the fall and winter and iced in the spring and summer)

16. My favorite curse word: Arse

17. My celebrity man crush: Jude Law in The Holiday

18. My celebrity girl crush: Lauren Graham or Rachael Ray

19. My writer crush: F. Scott Fitzgerald

20. My last meal before execution: Fried calamari to start...then penne alla vodka with some really great ciabatta bread dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar and tiramisu and cappuccino for dessert

21. Three words to summarize my book: Authentic, romantic, sassy

22. It took me 6 months  to write my book.

23. My book's original title: Confessions of a Serial Dater

24. Right now, I'm working on: My usual rotation of music,  movie reviews and magazine features. And I'm also working on a new novel that's a bit of a departure for me—women's ensemble fiction.

25. Chick Lit is alive & kicking because: Every girl wants her own happy-ever-after ending. And until that happens, well, we all need some great clothes, even better friends and lots of  laughs, right?

For more on the wonderful Christa Banister, head on over to www.christabanister.com, check out her blog Hey There, It's Christa or follow her on Twitter.

xoxo, Liz & Lisa

5 things Liz & Lisa didn't know about...The authors of the Nanny Diaries

O.M.G.

Can you pinch us? It's really happening... The New York Times Bestselling authors of THE NANNY DIARIES, Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus are here for the debut of our latest series "5 things Liz and Lisa didn't know about..." where we ask our favorite authors to dish out juicy and secret tidbits about their lives. Because we're just nosy like that-and know you are too!

We're like kids on Christmas. Or women who accidentally happened upon a majuh sale.  Or moms who've just been given a party pass to go out while daddy stays home. We know we're giddy but when authors like McLaughlin and Kraus, not only agree to be interviewed but also wanted to interview us you have a burning desire to stand up and shout from the rooftops, "HELL YEAH!" Or at the very least to, um, blog about it.

And we're sure you've heard but Nanny's baaaaaaack! Look for  NANNY RETURNS on December 15th or pre order it here. The sequel to the critically acclaimed NANNY DIARIES picks up 12 years later...after the discovery of the nanny cam that nanny left behind...and she gets sucked right back into the world she left behind. So. juicy.

Just like the 5 things we didn't know about Emma and Nicola!

1.  We have date night. When in the phase of generating a first draft we try to see each other once a week for a movie or the theater.  And it's always that delicious high school feeling like it's been FOREVER since we hung out. Even though we've talked a minimum of five times on the phone that day.  And we won't even count the emails.

2.  We have codependent food fixations. When on tour one of us will invariably say, "Ooo, do you think they'll have _____ here?" (Fill in the blank with some random local treat.)  Invariably "they" will not, and neither will the local diner, bakery or supermarket.  Cut to us trying to construct key lime pie/peanut butter cupcake/baked Alaska from an assortment of over priced stale goods out of a mini bar fridge.

3.  We are suckers for the charming.We may talk a tough game about the moneyed folks and the places they hang but, no matter how much we yell at ourselves, we still go weak in the knees for an enchanting wallpaper.  Curse you, Osborne and Little!

4.  We believe in the Law of Attraction. Call it what you will, the power of intention, cognitive behavioral therapy, if you build it he will come-after a decade of partnership we've learned that holding a positive vision is job criteria numero uno.

5.  We feel better about life just knowing Angelina Jolie is out there. Rocking motherhood, neutral casuals, airplane navigation and Amnesty International.  If she were a religion, we'd join.

Thanks, ladies!

xoxo, Liz & Lisa

For more about Emma and Nicola and their other FAB books, CITIZEN GIRL, DEDICATION, and THE REAL REAL, check out www.emmaandnicola.com. And click here to become their fan on Facebook.

"To Do" or not "To Do"

People often ask me how I get anything done. With two kids, two dogs, two guinea pigs, and two jobs , life can get a little crazy.  But what they don't know is that all along I've had a secret weapon.  Something that saves me from jumping off a bridge when my "to-do" list spans two pages.

My husband.

I'm not gonna lie, I *might* let some people assume that I  do it all by myself.  And in my defense, Hubby has always been a low-profile type of guy. So, he doesn't want the credit anyway, right?  Well, at least that's what I tell myself so I have a good reason to keep my secret weapon "secret".

Well, at least until he went out of town for a week.

When a business meeting and death in the family came back-to-back, (RIP Grandpa Fenton, this one's for you!) I found myself Mike-less for a full seven days.  And while I kissed his cheek and bid him safe travels, I was slightly worried, knowing that I was now in charge of his daily chores, aka "all the things Liz HATES to do!"

Take out the trash!

Clean up dog poop!

Do the laundry!

Change that ginormous five gallon water bottle!

Get two children to two different schools in two cities by 8am!

And the thing I hate most:

WRAP THE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!

Let's just say that this week gave "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.  I've always taken advantage of the fact that Mike takes exactly 15.5 minutes to get ready each morning and load him up with the morning chores while I primp for the day.  Now I was up at the crack of dawn, just so I *might* have the chance to run the straight iron through my hair for five minutes after I fed all the demanding children, dogs and guinea pigs. (Who knew those pigs could scream louder than the kids?)

And each morning, at 8:05am, I walked in to the nearest Starbucks and ordered an extra shot Americano with a satisfied smile on my face.  I did it!  Everyone was clothed, fed, and reasonably happy. (Well, except for those damn guineas, but those f*ckers are impossible to please!)

This week had given me a true appreciation for all the things the hubs does each day.   It had been so long since I taken out the trash that I had no idea where to even find the key to our gate.  And where did we keep the detergent again? So it made me feel good to know that I could do it on my own, if push came to shove.  And btw, this is where I give a HUGE shout out to single Moms and Dads everywhere who do it on their own each day-you have my utmost respect!

But Mike, just so you know, I F'ing ROCKED the TO DO list in your absence.

I got those ridiculously heavy trash cans to the curb even before our anal 80-year neighbor!

I did not one, not two, but THREE loads of laundry. (But do I have to fold and put way too?  I know you have a "system" so I left that part for you.)

I changed the Sparklett's bottle with minimal water damage to the kitchen floor. (Too bad I can't say the same for the cashmere sweater I was wearing at the time!)

I wore out the pooper-scooper. (Remind me again why I've been begging for a third dog?)

BUT

I left all the Christmas present wrapping for you.  Even I have my limits. And since you'll be home in plenty of time for Christmas, there's no reason to tarnish the Fenton name with my lackluster wrapping skills, right?

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and now I know why!  Thank you, Hubs, for all that you do each day.  And please know that although I was a totally awesome Mom/Dad hybrid all week, I'm giving all your chores back to you the minute you walk back in the door!

xoxo, Liz

Sisterhood of the traveling (FAT) pants By Lisa

This past Turkey Day, I forgot all the rules.  I snacked with reckless abandon. And I did it all. day. long. I ate nacho flavored Dorito's, cashews, deviled eggs and even that damn caramel corn from Chicago that I bought for my family in an effort to be cute.

I ate it all.

So when the turkey was wheeled out and all the sides were set up (we do it buffet style, of course!) I was faced with the harsh realization that I was already full. But did that stop me?  Hell to the no!  I ate again with reckless abandon. I inhaled the turkey and gravy, the sweet potato souffle, the stuffing, the delicious casserole "surprise" that I couldn't identify but thought was delicious anyway. I ate all of it.

But even as my belly began to spill over the waist band of my jeans, I knew it was all going to be okay. Even though my eyes were glazed over. Even though drool trickled out of the side of my mouth.  Even though I was quite confident I'd gained at least 5 pounds that day.

It was all going to work out because...

I'd traveled with my FAT PANTS.

My olive green, Juicy Couture, velour, with a very forgiving waist band, FAT PANTS.

When I stopped by to see Liz after my feast, her skinny jean wearing twenty-somethings relatives could not comprehend what FAT PANTS were, let alone understand why someone would wear them. They stared at me blankly, clearly not grasping the concept of food having such an immediate impact on ones physical body. I knew that one day, when their metabolism was more like a tortoise than a hare, they'd understand...or at the very least, have a friend who did.

And over the years, my FAT PANTS haven't just been there for me.   They've also hidden my cheese-induced bloat, clad the pants-less and comforted my friends in times of need.

FAT PANTS to The Rescue! When Liz's brother, Brian, was in a terrible car accident earlier this year, my FAT PANTS stepped right in. Our other BFF, La Sundra had left straight from work to be at the hospital in her suit and pumps (yes, pumps) and didn't have any other clothes with her. And as we sat across from each other in the waiting room, I could tell she was uncomfortable. And I knew just what to do! I reached in my bag and retrieved the juicy pants. She simply nodded and went in the bathroom to change.  And when I got cold and put on the matching jacket, we also were able to provide vast amounts of comedy relief as we sat side-by-side.  Hey, I was just happy I could help.

Who needs maternity pants? When Liz was pregnant with her second child, she became enraged at the concept of maternity jeans. (Something about ill fitting waist bands and fake denim made her want to puke up her prenatals.)  I quickly arrived on the scene with the answer: The juicy pants!  (In this case, I'm sure you can appreciate why I did NOT refer to them as Fat Pants...) They even made an appearance at the hospital the day Liz's son was born.  In fact, she told me she had been wearing them for five days straight because they were the only pants that still fit.  I felt honored that my FAT PANTS were the last pants standing.

So, I'd like to give a shout out to my FAT PANTS (that I'm wearing now for inspiration and also because I couldn't resist the second croissant at my hotel's complimentary buffet) and say THANK YOU for protecting and serving my friends and me for so many years. I look forward to many, many more to come!

xoxo, Lisa

KinderDiva by Liz

The other day I was trying to recall at what age I began to care about clothes.  Was it my affinity for that striped sailor shirt and matching mini-skirt in first grade?  Or those knickers I coveted while standing in line for my first Cabbage Patch doll? (Btw, can we just all agree that those pants should never, ever make a comeback?)  Either way, I don't remember caring that much about what I wore to good ol' Beaumont Elementary back in the day.

Of course, these days, I do love a good Calvin Klein dress as much as the next girl.  And my favorite color?  Black, of course!

So I guess it shouldn't surprise me that my daughter's fashion taste went from Garanimals  to Gucci at the tender age of five.  But thank God she's more Hello kitty than Juicy Couture, at least for now.

It seemed to happen suddenly.  Overnight she went from happily wearing all the frilly dresses  and ballet slippers lining her closet to demanding that I give all her clothes away to GoodWill (or as she put it "kids with no clothes") and replace them with skorts and T-shirts.  Because, as she mentioned, dresses were for babies and girls with curly hair. (Um, what?)

And so began the power struggle of all time.  Each morning, I would mentally prepare myself for battle as she ate her waffle.  What would I threaten this morning?  To take away her beloved bear?  Spongebob restriction for a week?  Make her listen to me sing on the way home from school? Nothing seemed to work. It. Was. Ugly.

So using Fall shopping as my excuse to save face, I finally went to Target and bought every single skort I could get my hands on.  And because she had developed some sort of affinity for early 80's punk fashion, (WTF?) I also picked up a bunch of ugly Gwen Stefani reject T-shirts. knee high socks and boots.  Oh, and guess what her favorite color was now?  Black.  And no, the irony was not lost on me.

Realizing that her insistence about choosing her clothes had become more of an issue of power than fashion, I began to let her dress herself each day.  And being the Type-A control freak that I am, it pained me to watch her put outfits together. But I bit my tongue.

Striped shirt and polka dot skirt? No Problem!

Red and orange together? Why didn't I think of that?

Wearing a Hello Kitty shirt, skirt, headband, barrettes and sunglasses all at the same time? Talk about brand loyalty! Everyone should look like Hello Kitty threw up on them!

Each day, I would ask, do you want Mommy's opinion?  And surprisingly, her answer was always NO, MOMMY!  So I obliged.  And guess what? Each week she got a bit better at putting her clothes together. She started to look more Miley Cyrus and a little less Lady Gaga.   In fact, she really seemed to carve out her own look and although it wasn't exactly my style, I felt proud that she was wanting to lead rather than follow.  Even if it meant she occasionally looks like a cracked-out 80's rock star.

I just make my husband drop her at school those days so they  blame it on him...

7 seconds in heaven with...Nicholas Sparks By Liz & Lisa

Remember Truth or Dare? Spin the Bottle?

How about Seven Seconds In Heaven?

Now take yourselves back to those days of leg warmers and peg legged jeans...to the feelings you had when you thought about hopping in that closet with your crush--the one you'd confidently scrawled that you'd "LUV 4EVER" on the front of your Trapper Keeper. (Oh...where are you now, Neil Butler? cries Lisa.)

Well, fast forward, er, a couple o' decades later (and then some) and there are still a lot of hotties out there that bring back the same rush of emotions like we had in junior high.  And we're not just talking about the McDreamys and McSteamys of the world. We're talking about men who not only look good, but damn, they can write! There's almost nothing sexier than a good looking and talented author. And that's why we're launching a new series called SEVEN SECONDS IN HEAVEN where we ask our favorite male authors seven things that inquiring and nosy female minds like ours want to know!

And who better to start with than Nicholas Sparks who we crush on pretty hard. His books are ultra romantic, his stories are deeply engaging and his writing is always entertaining. And for a moment, can we talk about those brown eyes? Ahhhhhh... and we know all you fans out there LOVE him, because in our poll of male authors women adore that we ran on our Chick Lit is not Dead Facebook fan page, you told us! Hands down, Nicholas Sparks won the majority.

So, to put it mildly, we pretty much went weak in the knees when this amazing writer of great romantic novels like THE NOTEBOOK (which makes Lisa cry every time and where Liz developed her unhealthy Ryan Gosling obsession.) and NIGHTS OF RODANTHE (did he help cast Richard Gere in the movie? If so, thank you, Mr. Sparks!) stopped by Chick Lit Is Not Dead!

We had so many questions...like could he be possibly be as much of a romantic in real-life as the characters he writes about? You don't just conjure up the Noah and Allies of the world if you aren't known to purchase a Hallmark card or two, right? (Right! Check out what he does for his lucky wife on every anniversary!)

So, in the spirit of that junior high make out game we all played waaaay back in the day-SEVEN SECONDS IN HEAVEN-we asked this dreamy husband (Mrs. Sparks, you are one lucky lady!), father of five and author of SIXTEEN books (including his latest THE LAST SONG which just might have made robotic Liz cry!) our seven seconds (questions) in heaven with Nicholas Sparks...

1. If you weren't a writer, what other career could you be passionate about? I love coaching track and field.  I had the opportunity to coach for the last four years, and it was everything I thought it would be.  If I wasn't a writer, it's definitely something I'd enjoy.

2. What one romantic movie could you watch over and over? What else?  The Notebook!

3. You've said that you fell in love with your wife at first sight, what is the most romantic thing you've ever done for her? I write her love letters on every anniversary, reminding her of everything that's happened in the last year, and why she means so much to me.  She now has twenty letters, and they've become something of a journal regarding our lives together.

4. What are some of your goals/dreams that you have yet to achieve? I would love to be able to enjoy the art of relaxation.  I'm one of those type-A personalities.

5. What one thing would fans be surprised to know about Nicholas Sparks? That most of the time -- 99% -- I don't feel like, or think of myself as, an author.  A writer, yes.  A father and husband, certainly.  But author?  No.

6. You wrote a book with your brother? Yes, Micah and I wrote THREE WEEKS WITH MY BROTHER together from separate coasts by talking on the phone and faxing drafts back and forth.

7. What can your fans expect from you next? Another novel, another couple of movies (Dear John, The Last Song). It's what I do.

For more information about the incredibly talented Nicholas Sparks and his latest novel, THE LAST SONG, check out www.nicholassparks.com.

xoxo, Liz & Lisa

25 Things Liz & Lisa want to know about Carole Matthews

You heard it here first - Chick Lit is Not Dead is going global. We are like a character in a Chick Lit novel, going overseas in search of fabulous fun and high fashion! And what could be more fun - and fabulous - than international bestselling author Carole Matthews!  We all know that the Brits practically invented Chick Lit, and Carole's talent for writing relatable characters and engaging stories has made her books hugely popular. And let's face it, a cute British accent is always a plus!

And as always with our favorite Chick Lit authors, we discovered a lot of interesting similarities. Liz was ecstatic to learn that like her, Carole is a cashless wonder, never having so much as a five-dollar bill in her wallet-always awkward at the valet!  And Carole and Lisa both share majuh love for the ultimate Chick Flick-Bridget Jone's Diary.

Carole's impressive list of titles includes: THAT LOVING FEELING (2009 UK Release), THE CHOCOLATE LOVER'S CLUB (2009), WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD (2008), MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS (2006), WITH OR WITHOUT YOU (2005) (BTW--One of Lisa's all-time favorite books!), A MINOR INDISCRETION (2003), LET'S MEET ON PLATFORM 8 (2004), THE SWEETEST TABOO (2004), THE SCENT OF SCANDAL (2004), BARE NECESSITY (2003), FOR BETTER OR WORSE(2002), GIRLS NIGHT IN (2004) AND GIRLS NIGHT OUT (2006).

Whew!  How she has time to write so many awesome books and also trek through the Himalayas, we'll never know!

So without further delay...

Chick Lit is Not Dead presents... The 25 things readers want to know about  Carole Matthews

1.  Inside my purse, you'll discover: My I-Touch – a marvellous device that I’d be loathe to be without; an ancient Nokia mobile phone which is on its last legs but that has become something of a challenge to me to see how long I can keep it going; a battered paperback – currently Harlan Coben’s Hold Tight; a fabulous Lulu Guinness make-up bag with little essentials like lipstick, breath freshener, emergency anti-histamine tablets (I’m allergic to any shape or form of domestic animal); a pink notebook for random jottings and a glittery pink pen with which to do them!  And money – not much of it – my partner, Lovely Kev, says that I’m like The Queen who, reputedly, never carries money.

2.  My secret talent is: I’m pretty nifty on the dance floor.  I have medals in both Latin American and Ballroom.

3.  If stranded on an island, the five things I could not live without are: A large library of books and a torch.  A kettle, milk ,tea bags and a cup – as I’m British, I’m counting that as one thing.  Nail polish, haven’t seen the real colour of my toenails since I was fifteen and a cookbook titled ‘How to Make Nutritious Meals from Sand, Palm Leaves and Sea Water’.

4.  On my nightstand you'll find: A very pretty silver lamp with beads and tassels.  Lavender and honey handcream from the beautiful Lost Gardens of Heligan in Cornwall.  Books – Kate Morton’s - The Forgotten Garden, Tami Hoag – Night Sins, and Khaled Hosseini - A Thousand Splendid Suns.  And a glass of water.

5.  When I grew up, I wanted to be: A ballerina, an air-traffic controller, a travel guide, a teacher, a physiotherapist.  It changed with the wind.  Writer never featured once though.

6.  My worst job: I haven’t had a terrible job, I’ve always enjoyed everything I’ve done.  Odd jobs including being an ice-cream saleswoman in a van that goes round the streets – do they do that in the USA?  I’ve also been a secretary, a beauty therapist, a journalist, a television and radio presenter.

7.  My comfort food: chocolate – without doubt.  Since writing my novels The Chocolate Lovers’ Club and The Chocolate Lovers’ Diet, I have become even more of a chocoholic.  I love Lindt 70% dark chocolate and eat it every day.  Actually, maybe I need to reassess my dessert island list as I don’t think I could live without it.

8.  The location where I write: I have a lovely house that overlooks a park in a new city, Milton Keynes, which is about 45 minutes away from London.  The house is three stories high and my office is on the top floor and I can see all the trees and a little stream that flows through the park.  I can see the most amazing sunsets from here too.  To be at my most productive, I need a brickwall rather than a view.

9.  Three songs on my IPOD's most played list: Paloma Faith – New York, Alesha Dixon – Breathe Slow, Beggin’ – Madcon.

10. If I was on the cover of US Weekly, my headline would read: Impossibly Slim and Beautiful British Chick-Lit Author Breaks All Previous Publishing Records on Day of Wedding to George Clooney!

11. The three books that make me think of my childhood: As an only child, I was always an avid reader – my favourites include Black Beauty, Little Women, Great Expectations.

12. My favorite Chick Flick: Without doubt – Bridget Jones’ Diary.  This is how all chick-lit films should be done.  A close second is The Holiday.

13. My favorite Chick Lit book: Marian Keyes – Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married.  I’m always so pleased when anyone compares my writing to Marian’s as I think she is truly the queen of chick lit.

14. My "must see" TV: Oh, dear.  Long list here.  I see it as keeping up with contemporary culture, not being a couch potato.  24, The Wire, Desperate Housewives, Dexter, The Tudors, X-Factor, Strictly Come Dancing (which I think is Dancing with The Stars in the USA).

15. My Starbucks order: Is it strange to go into a shop that specializes in coffee and order tea?  Not a big coffee fan, though I can occasionally be persuaded to a good cappuccino.  I do, however, like their Rocky Road and their Fruit, Nut and Honey bars.  Their tea is surprisingly good too.

16. My favorite curse word: Oh flipping heck!

17. My celebrity man crush: Another long list – George Clooney, Keanu Reeves, Brad Pitt, Hugh Jackman, Keifer Sutherland, Johnny Depp – all the usual suspects.

18. My celebrity girl crush: I want to be Cheryl Cole from Girls Aloud.  She’s tiny, talented and tenacious.

19. My writer crush: Harlan Coben – the man is an excellent writer, a charming speaker and an all-round good guy.

20. My last meal before execution: Fresh French bread, a selection of wonderful cheeses and a home-made soup – no particular preference of flavour – with some good red wine or a nice champagne.  Then I’d have to follow it with a plate of home made chocolates and a cup of tea.

21. Three words to summarize my book: Warm, funny, bittersweet.

22. It took me 6 months and a lot of pain to write my book – due to tendonitis in my shoulder.

23. My book's original title: Oh, we went through horrors trying to get the title right for this book – it started out as Love, Lies and Everything and then there were about 15 incarnations, I think.  We ended up with That Loving Feeling after much soul-searching.

24. Right now, I'm working on: The Only Way is Up – my next book is about a couple who find themselves caught up in the credit crunch and lose everything.  The story is their quest to rebuild their lives.

25. Chick Lit is alive & kicking because: It deals with the issues that contemporary women have to handle.  Women love to read that combined with a little escapism and a happy ending.  It makes me mad when I hear people saying that chick-lit is dead – our readers still love it – it’s the publishers who get bored with certain genres and then want to move onto the next ‘big thing’.

To learn about the talented and lovely Carole Matthews, head on over to www.carolematthews.com or check her out on Facebook!

xoxo, Liz & Lisa

Driven to Distraction By Liz & Lisa

We knew we needed to get crackin' on finishing our second book and let's just say that it's been incredibly challenging to stay on track when you throw in distractions like wedding planning, shmoving and day jobs into the mix. So, we did what any self-respecting writers who feared the public humiliation of not meeting their December deadline would do. We planned a weekend away from all those distractions! 48 hours where we'd bury our noses in our laptops and barely come up for food or water.  Lisa had set a lofty word count goal of 25,000 and was ready to do just about anything to ensure we hit it . (Don't worry, we did!)

Knowing that Liz is a self-professed hotel snob, (Let's just say if the sheets are less than 500 thread count she's outta there!) Lisa saddled her with the task of booking somewhere nice and quiet for what they decided to call their writer's retreat.

Well at least she got the nice part right.

When we pulled up to The Parker Palm Springs, Lisa, an obsessive Bravo reality TV show junkie (is there anything better than The Real Housewives of Whatever or Top Chef ?)  exclaimed, "This is where they shot that reality show!"

"Oh yeah," Liz replied. "That's right... Well, I'm sure it will still be low key."

When we walked through the jumbo double orange doors and walked inside, it looked like 1975 threw up all over it (in the retro chic-est "anti-Brady Bunch" kind of way). And when we approached the front desk, Lisa almost peed her pants when Oscar, who starred in the reality show, greeted them.

As they crossed the beautiful grounds and caught a glimpse of all the sexy people lounging pool side that they were sure had to be famous, Liz looked at Lisa and pleaded, "I brought my suit. Maybe we could take a quick dip?"

Lisa, definitely in the role of drill sargent for the weekend, turned to Liz and said, "Sorry, we have a deal, absolutely no distractions!" Then, seeing the pained expression on Liz's face, added, "But if you write 5,000 words by lunch, I'll let you take five minutes and spy on that wedding I know you want to crash later!"

Well, we may have hit our word count goal (yeah! ) but admittedly, there were distractions all around us that even the drill sargent couldn't resist!

Beware of hot men with accents Hey, they might have been wearing tight peach pants and were barely understandable as they talked about the boys club they were going to hit later, but we chose to ignore those minor details because, they were muy caliente! And when Liz suggested we go write by the lobby, Lisa suspected she had an ulterior motive but she said yes anyway. Let's just say hot men + romantic accents = majuh writing inspiration!

Free wireless isn't always an advantage Between Liz's secret status updates to Lisa's search for long lost loves (she found one!), it was very easy to get distracted from the task at hand!

Don't book the boom boom room When Oscar was telling us about our suite, we  heard the part about the beautiful view of the valley. I guess we weren't paying attention when he told us the that from our vantage point, there would be not one, but two weddings going on each night. Hey, maybe our room did physically thump all night, but at least Lisa got her entire wedding playlist handled. A big thank you to whatever DJ was in love with Bell Biv Devoe, Rob Base and Kriss Kross.

Make sure Mac Macbook is up for the trip. Um, so maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to take a laptop on its last gigabyte to a writing retreat. And next time Mac begs her to take him to the Genius bar, she promises she'll listen. We'd like to take a moment to say thanks so much to the front desk staff that didn't bat an eye  (or fear we were about to commit a crime) when we asked for duct tape and a knife. Way to keep your hospitality game faces on guys!

Bring your dancing shoes It's always good to be prepared. You never know when a 100K wedding will be going on, just begging you to crash it and grab a Grey Goose at the bar and chat up the Best Man.  No one ever remembers their third cousin's name, right?  But considering the fact that the dressiest thing we brought was a taco sauce stained juicy sweat suit, we decided that maybe we should pass.

Makes sure you tip your Bell Boy Tank of gas to get to Palm Springs: $65.  Two large pots of coffee to stay awake via room service: $30 Look on Liz & Lisa's faces when they arrived back in Long Beach and realized THEIR LUGGAGE WAS STILL AT THE PARKER: Priceless!

And the fact that Liz's husband jumped in the car and drove four hours roundtrip to retrieve Liz's makeup and Lisa's Snuggie: Worth a million dollars!  Thanks MF!  We hope the combo burrito and chocolate shake we drove a quarter of a mile to get for you made your TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY MILE drive WAS worth it! Xoxo

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The Amazing (disg)Race by Liz & Lisa

Sunday night, Liz texted Lisa the same message she's sent her every Sunday for the past three years. Dude, we should try out for the Amazing Race! It would be soooo fun!

And Lisa's thumbs couldn't type fast enough as she responded the same way she has every Sunday for the past three years.

F**kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Nooooooooooooooo!!!

But ...thank you for giving me an idea for a blog post!

Liz says:  Come on, Let's race!

Oh, Amazing Race, How I love thee! And even though my current idea of adventure is staying at a three-star hotel, I think I would love schlepping around the world with nothing but a passport and the three nasty outfits that I shoved into my backpack.  I mean, what better way to lose weight than to run through the streets of Dubai in 130 degree heat?  Nevermind the fact that I usually start sweating the second the barometer breaks 85 and that I consider a trip to the Bahamas an international vacation.

And even though Lisa and I sometimes spend thirty minutes arguing over sentence structure, I'm sure we'll get along famously!  If we survived the bad fashion of the 80's and 90's together, we can surely herd some Japanese tourists and ducks like nobody's business or eat a wasabi bomb in thirty seconds!

While I'm sure Lisa will make a strong case against our Amazing Race union, I'm here to plead my case for an appearance next season.

1. We get to hang out with Phil, who is smokin' hot AND has an accent! I'm sure that we'll look awesome after jogging through the streets of China in our underwear or taking a dip in the crisp, clean waters of Vietnam.  And although I can't leave the house without burning my hair into submission for thirty minutes with a flat iron, I think our new au natural look will be a big hit! Isn't it time for frizzy hair and thick eyebrows to make their well-deserved comeback?

2. Free Publicity for Chick Lit is not Dead Admit it, we could really use the exposure. No publicity is bad publicity, right?  Plus, it's either this or tying a chair to some mylar balloons and sending my five-year up for a ride. And this way I don't have to break any laws or be ridiculed on CNN. Because, admit it, we all know I'll be edited as "the nice one"! Sorry, Lisa.

3. Endless Blog fodder and Facebook status updates My only concern is that many of Lisa's updates would start with Lisa is ready to kill Liz because...

4. What a great workout! There's nothing like springing through foreign countries in extreme weather conditions to get your ass in shape!  Nevermind the fact that we both will become crazy beyotches if we skip lunch or don't drink water every five minutes.  I'm sure it will all work out fine! (And make for great TV if it doesn't...)

Lisa says:  Are you F'ing kidding me?

For the record, I'd like to state that I'm in love with The Amazing Race. One of my favorite pastimes is sitting back and WATCHING the teams of two nearly kill each other as they try to find a one inch snowman in a twenty five foot pile of snow. From the Newly Datings (oh the poor, innocent things) to the We've been engaged for nine years but aren't sure if we should get marrieds (what an iron clad way to strengthen your relationship!) to the requisite We're freakishly hot and SWEAR we don't have sex couples. (Well, if you weren't having it before, running through the streets of New Dehli aint gonna help the mojo!) I love them all! (The angry/violent hearing impaired guy and his freakishly strong mom were my favorite!)

And even though I also heart Liz and think she's incredibly talented and creative, trying out for The Amazing Race is, hands down, one of the worst ideas she's ever had! (Well, if you don't count her recent decision to mix Tequila and Smirnoff this past weekend.) So, here's my case for why our only "Amazing Race" should be meeting our December book deadline.

1. Um, Phil, is it against the rules for me to strap a GPS to my camel? My idea of following a map is inputting an address into my car's navigational system.  I'm quite confident I would have an easier time finding a Starbucks in Bakersfield than I would trying to track the lady in the purple scarf in a busy square in Bangkok. I still have to confirm directions to O'Hare and Liz expects me to try to find a yodeler at the base of the Swiss Alps? WTF?!

2. There's no bottled water in Zimbabwe? Considering my constant dehydration even if the best conditions, I could easily be the first AMAZING RACE contestant to murder her teammate over lack of H2O. So if Liz wants to live to see her 37th birthday, she should probably just continue to lust after her boy Phil from afar.  Maybe stalking him off-season would be easier?

3. Do you think I can pop my enzymes before I eat a cricket in Cairo? Um, Liz knows I can barely consume a perfectly made American hamburger without digestive aids. So the fact that she wants me to consider downing a wasabi bomb with a side of scorpion tail is more than upsetting. Constipation +bloating = distended belly, bad TV and, did I mention bad TV?

4. I don't do alliances! I know my people-pleasing friend, Liz will want to team up with the cute guys or help the requisite hillbillies that can barely read the signs in English. (Let alone Japanese!) And all I can say is Hells to the No's. I'm not sharing my ladle, my internet cafe location or my Gas-X with anyone!

xoxo, Liz & Lisa

Not on my watch beyotch by Liz

I was watching 30 Rock last season when my hero, Liz Lemon, uttered what I was sure would become my new catchphrase. And after laughing so hard I snorted,  I immediately grabbed my journal and wrote these five glorious words: NOT ON MY WATCH, BEYOTCH! I then declared to my husband that I was determined to say it at least five times the next day.  At the time, he just laughed and shook his head, probably just hoping and praying I wouldn't be saying it to him!

So, the next day, I ran out into the world, anxious to find a situation to unleash my new favorite phrase.  Until... I forgot. Like my daily resolve to log all my Weight Watcher points and to say the word "Fudge" rather than "F*ck", it was forgotten faster than you say Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom.

Fast forward to yesterday.  I was perusing my journal, desperately looking for some blog inspiration when I came across this rhyming, cursing, genius phrase I wrote down over four months ago. And I fell in love all over again. Because it just so happens that for me, Rhyming + Cursing= Love.

So I resolved right then and there to use it five times.  And as I set out into the world the next morning, ready to lay the best line EVUH on some unsuspecting clerk/friend/client/teacher, I remembered one important thing:

I am a total, utterly hopeless, people-pleasing ass kisser. Or as my more vulgar friends would say, a total p*ssy.

Hmmm...so what to do?  Well, I'll have you know I did what any self-respecting brown-noser would do.  I thought it in my head and then ran out and wrote it in my journal.

But if I had the balls to actually say it, it would have been AWESOME.  And here's where I would have casually inserted it into conversation...

• What?  You think you can just cut in front of me in the express lane at Target?  With TWELVE items in your basket? NOT ON MY WATCH BEYOTCH!

• Seriously Lisa?  You don't "really care" if we drink at your bachelorette party in January?  You just want to "relax" and "enjoy" everyone's company? NOT ON MY WATCH BEYOTCH!  (MAID OF HONOR EDITION)

• Really Loehmanns?  You won't take back the overpriced Coach wannabe Uggs  that I bought on a whim before I remembered the temperature only drops below 65 degrees one week a year in So Cal? NOT ON MY WATCH BEYOTCH!

• Come on, 22 year old server at Benihana knockoff, you could at least ask for my ID when your sign says you card everyone that looks under forty. So. Not. Cool. And I didn't appreciate your eye roll when I pulled it out anyway! NOT ON MY WATCH BEYOTCH!

Come on, promise you'll use it in conversation tomorrow.  Or better yet, tell us where you wish you had used it! The two best NOT ON MY WATCH BEYOTCH situations will win a signed copy of I'LL HAVE WHO SHE'S HAVING!

xoxo,

Liz

A Tale of Two Brushes By Lisa

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

It was painting time.

What do you get when you combine 3 gallons of paint, six walls and two Type-A fiances?

A near disaster.

In the Stannenfeldt household anyway.

It all started when Matt innocently asked if I wanted to join him on a trip to the man's Tarjay (Lowes). Since I pride myself on my woMANly ways, I happily obliged.  And I'm not sure how it happened exactly (my cart had a mind of its own!) but on the way to the faucets, we somehow found ourselves in the paint aisle, comparing swatches and finishes (satin or eggshell?) and discussing painting our living room and dining room. (Because for those of the Type-A persuasion, one room just wasn't enough.)

And the next thing I knew, our cart was piled high with rollers, brushes, tray liners and drop cloths.

And as we paid for the supplies and paint--one gallon of Dusted Bronze and two gallons of Bees Wax-- I wondered, were we really going to do this?

Weren't we breaking one of the cardinal couple rules?

Never move something together!

Never assemble something together!

And never, under any circumstances, paint together!

As we prepped the rooms, I thought to myself, we can do this. And as I taped the crown molding and looked over at Matt as he covered the furniture, I repeated the same mantra in my head.

I won't be Bossy Betty.

I won't be Bossy Betty.

I won't be Bossy Betty.

Well, let's just say that sometimes, even though you can repeat something over and over in your head, it doesn't always come true.

The good news is, the rooms look amazing---warm and inviting.

But in hindsight, there are a few things I'd do a wee bit differently should there ever be a next time. (You never know, Hell could freeze over!)

1.  Not agree to accompany the hubs to be to Lowes. (Especially with an ulterior motive in mind!)

2.  I'd let someone else use a roller brush--like maybe the 6'2" painter by my side. (Even if I didn't exactly approve of his brush stroke!)

3.  I'd get down off the step ladder long enough to fill my own paint tray. (Even though asking him to do it every time was so much easier!)

4.  I'd remember to get my painter "partner" a cold beverage, like, um, 7 hours sooner!

5.  I wouldn't ask or expect my fiancee to shop for pillows or rugs after 5 hours of painting! (Even though the couches and floors were begging to look as good as the walls!)

6.  I'd learn to love white walls!

xoxo, Lisa (A.K.A. "Bossy Betty")

The Birthday Blunder by Liz

Although many may disagree, I've  kind of always thought of myself as a low-maintenance kind of gal.  Well...except for that whole "have to be punctual or I'll kill you" thing.  Or the fact that if I don't eat every three hours I may rip off your arm and beat you over the head with it.  Oh, and did I mention that I also tend to be a bit High Maintenance on my birthday too?

I'll be the first to admit that it's virtually impossible for the Hubs to find the perfect gift.  And the fact that he has limited shopping skills isn't helping his case at all. (I've always felt that I shop enough for both of us!) But the biggest problem is that if I  want something, well, I usually just go buy it! (Did I mention I have impulse-control issues?)

So after many years of awkward gift opening, I have asked the Hubs, no make that begged him, to STOP buying me gifts.  I mean, how many times can you fake enthusiam for household appliances?

This year, I thought we had the system down.  He buys me nothing, I buy myself something fabulous, we go to dinner without the kids, I get buzzed, eat some free Lava Pie and and we all go home happy.  Right?

Wrong!

Instead, I came home on my birthday to find a red velvet box on the counter with a card.  And I knew from past experience that this could mean only one thing.  He had snuck over to see Kim Po.  Kim Po was our jeweler, and the hubs always went to him in a time of need.  Kim Po could always be counted on for beautiful jewelry and astrological readings.  A great combination!  Where else could you get your diamond ring fixed while finding out if this is the year of the Ox? (Btw, it isn't.)

I went over and grabbed the box off the counter and slowly opened it to reveal a beautiful sapphire pendant and chain. Wow, I thought, how beautiful! I'm sure that most women who weren't SEVERLY ALLERGIC TO METAL would really enjoy wearing this.  I'm sure it would look lovely on my neck for that one hour before I developed a NASTY WELT  where the chain touched my skin.  And I'm sure he wouldn't mind when we went to dinner that night that I was blinded by my SWOLLEN EYES.

*Big sigh*

Oh, Hubs.  I know he meant well. I guess the fact that I haven't worn so much as a watch in the past year has escaped his memory. Or that the entire year before when I went to five doctors trying to figure out why I had crackwhore eyes for three days every time I wore my sassy sparkly MAC eyeshadow. I could just imagine him, panicking a few days before my birthday and running to Kim Po's, his gift-giving safe place.  So yes, part of me understood. But it didn't mean I wasn't pissed!

And maybe, just maybe, I acted a little bratty about it. (Don't judge!  I already told you I was HM about this shit!) But let's just say I found a way to forgive him when he surprised me with a waterfront suite later that night.  And after a few drinks at dinner, we made a pact that he will nevuh, evuh, buy me anything ever again.  And he also agreed to let me share with you his top three birthday blunders...

1. A LANDLINE

It was a phone that plugged into the wall. For our bedroom.   For our first Christmas together after we got married. Need I say more? I made note to never again complain about any household appliance within two months of my birthday or Christmas.

2. A THREE HOUR TOUR

Welcome to your wonderful getaway to...CATALINA!  Now for those of you unfamiliar with this tiny island off the California coast, let me just tell you that it could quite possibly be the most boring place on earth. None of the "motels"(yep, MOTELS!) even have pools. Or spas. Or room service. Has this man not been paying attention for the past ten years?  I am the. Biggest. Travel. Snob. EVUH!

3. GIFT CARDS

Public service announcement: Dudes, Don't ever get your wife gift cards.  Just don't.  And if you do, don't buy the same one for every birthday and Christmas gift for three years.   Your wife may begin to think you lack imagination...

After reading that, it's probably clear why my poor Hubs threw in the towel on a high maintenance birthday beyotch like myself.  And that's okay.  Because he gives me the best gift every single day that doesn't cost a thing...his love, support and respect!  Love you Hubs! xoxo

DVR Drama by Lisa

Before I "shmoved" to Chicago, I lived alone for a really, really, really long time.

Did I mention it was a long time?

Well, when you're the only one under your own roof, you take certain things for granted. Like...

• When you get home at the end of the day, the last half of your cheesecake is exactly where you left it.

• Your clean clothes can sit in piles on your bedroom floor for as. long. as. you. want.

• The DVR records all of YOUR favorite programs WITHOUT FAIL.

Well, let's just say #1 & #2 I can live with but #3, well, that's not negotiable. Because to put it mildly...

Momma needs her f***ing TV!

Back home in Cali, my DVR was a well-oiled machine, like a fine wine--aged to perfection. I'd spent a painstaking amount of time and energy getting it just right. From prioritizing my programs to making sure there was padding at the beginning and end of my favorite shows "just in case" there was a supersized episode-I'd done it all. I never missed a show. Not even a Jersey Housewives reunion. Until...

I cohabitated.

And since I shmoved in with my beloved future hubby, my DVR situation has become

one. hot. mess.

So far, I've missed..

• The season premiere of Brothers & Sisters (Sally Field is like a mother to me!)

• The premiere of Grey's Anatomy (Yeah, I'm one of the six people who still watch!)

• Several episodes of Project Runway! (Life just isn't whole without a weekly trip to Mood!)

The reasons for this DVR dilemma?

• The definition of "important" television is a debate in our house. (I say anything that ends with a cliffhanger. He says anything that ends with ball.)

• Before my time, the most action Matt's DVR had seen was the time it accidentally recorded Wizards of Waverly Place.

• We have a pretty majuh problem that I like to call Saturday, Sunday and Monday Night Football.

So cut to this past Sunday night.

All was right in the world. The kids were in bed, the refrigerator was cleaned out (don't ask!) and I was sitting comfortably on the couch ready to immerse myself in my own, little television world. A world where...

• I see Matt's lips moving, but there is no sound.

• My biggest stress is whether or not it will be an elimination round on the The Amazing Race.

• I have complete control of the remote.

Not so much.

Matt wanted to watch the Chargers game.

And my beloved future hubby's eyes glazed over when I tried to explain why he couldn't just switch over to channel 187. I had two programs recording at the same time! But wanting to be a good wifey-to-be, I dumped Melrose (I only wanted to find out if Ashley was a better actress than lip syncher anyway) so he could watch his ballgame. After, the TV karma gods would be looking out for me and all would be right in the world as I watched my shows, right?

Not so much.

When I turned on The Amazing Race, Instead of Phil Keoghan, I saw Andy Rooney!

WTF?

According to Matt, who very patiently tried to explain this injustice as I cradled my head in my hands, the end of 60 Minutes had recorded so that meant I wouldn't get the entire episode of The Amazing Race!

But how would I know if those professional poker beeyotches made it through?

Matt slowly explained that this could be an ongoing problem because The Amazing Race may never fully record.

What???

Because of the Central Time Zone. Because of football. And because of 60 Minutes. Long story short, football almost always runs late. 60 Minutes must run in its entirety.

No. Matter. What.

Or, as Matt put it, a bunch of blue hairs (and him) would revolt. So, even if I add padding to the end of The Amazing Race, if a football game goes into OT, I could be screwed. And forced to watch the show, the next day or online. Or worse...

in. real. time.

Gag. And screw you Andy Rooney for ruining my life!

But this is all part of saying, I do, right? Learning to be flexible and to deal with new situations. And learning to, er, compromise.

Um, not so much.

Well, at least not for now.

Not when it comes to my precious TV.

So in the meantime, while I come to grips with reality, I'm going to propose my form of a compromise.

A second DVR.

xoxo

25 Things Liz & Lisa want to know about Beth Harbison

We make no secret of the fact we have MAJUH crushes on a few, select, Chick Lit writers! So imagine how starstruck we've been when so many of our absolute fav's have candidly answered our hard-hitting questions in our 25 Things Liz And Lisa Want To Know series! So far, we've learned that Megan Crane once worked as a customer service rep, that Allison Winn Scotch's secret talent is singing and Jennifer Weiner crushes on Sarah Silverman. Emily Giffin revealed that she can't live without Starbucks and Sarah Pekkanen admitted she's done some of her writing at a table at Chuck E  Cheese!

And now we're proud to add another incredibly talented and funny Chick Lit author into the 25 Qs mix! (Anyone who calls Chick Lit the "beaujolais Nouveau of literature" is our kind of gal!)  Most recently, BETH HARBISON absolutely rocked our socks with HOPE IN A JAR. (Lisa devoured it in one day and immediately told Liz to stop everything she was doing and read it too!)  People Magazine called it Chick Lit with heart and soul and we couldn't agree more. Beth's previous books, SHOE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS, SECRETS OF A SHOE ADDICT and her contribution to the collection of short stories, AFTERBIRTH (stories you won't read in PARENTS magazine), are all must-reads too!

We're excited to announce that we have FIVE copies of Beth's latest book, HOPE IN A JAR, to give away! To become the proud owner of this fabulous novel, all you have to do is become a fan of Chicklitisnotdead.com on Facebook and leave a comment about the beauty product you absolutely cannot live without. (Lisa can't leave the house without putting Laura Mercier Secret Concealer on the set of "luggage under her eyes" and Liz isn't human until she slathers Dermalogica Super Rich Repair on her "lizard-like skin!")

So, without further adieu...*Cue drum roll*

Chick Lit is Not Dead presents.... 25 Things Liz and Lisa want to know about Beth Harbison!

1.  Inside my purse, you'll discover: credit cards, Nars Dolce Vita lipstick, one of those little magnifying glasses with a light that I can never find when I need it, gum, a broken MAC compact, a stun gun.

2.  My secret talent is: roller skating

3.  If stranded on an island, the five things I could not live without are: soap, sunscreen, my Kindle, wireless internet, and, I don't know, some sort of boat?

4.  On my nightstand you'll find: water from last night, Lego, a book I haven't read, a People Magazine I'm halfway through, and ear plugs so I don't have to kill my husband for snoring and keeping me up.

5.  When I grew up, I wanted to be: famous!  Like, a famous actress, revered by all.  What happened?!

6.  My worst job: at an office where they didn't appear to need me so there was never anything to do except TRY to look busy, which was nearly impossible -- it was a banner day when someone wanted filing done.

7.  My comfort food: macaroni and cheese with a crispy Ritz top.

8.  The location where I write: my office at home.

9.  Three songs on my IPOD's most played list: Careful (Guster), Viva la Vida (Coldplay), Party in the USA (Miley Cyrus) (don't judge me!)

10. If I was on the cover of US Weekly , my headline would read: Writer Discovers Stun Gun Cure for Husband's Snoring and Restless Legs.

11. The three books that make me think of my childhood: The Little Broomstick by Mary Stewart; Now We Are Six by A.A. Milne; any Trixie Belden book.

12. My favorite Chick Flick: French Kiss or Only You (Robert Downey Jr. one)

13. My favorite Chick Lit book: Twenties Girl, Sophie Kinsella

14. My "must see" TV: Real Housewives of absolutely anywhere; True Blood; The Office

15. My Starbucks order: this time of year it's the Caramel Apple Cider

16. My favorite curse word: Fuck

17. My celebrity man crush: Jon Bon Jovi.  Man, I need a new one.

18. My celebrity girl crush: Paula Deen

19. My writer crush: Quinn Cummings

20. My last meal before execution: Icebox Cake (Nabisco famous chocolate wafers and whipped cream)

21. Three words to summarize my book: Friends, 80's, men

22. It took me ______to write my book: 6-7 months

23. My book's original title: it was always HOPE IN A JAR

24. Right now, I'm working on: ONE TEQUILA SHOT AWAY (from Making a Mix Tape and Driving Past His House)

25. Chick Lit is alive & kicking because: it is the beaujolais Nouveau of literature - fresh, new, always current, meant to intoxicate not to make you think or cry, though sometimes it does all three.

To read even more about the awesome Beth Harbison, head on over to www.bethharbison.com!

xoxo

Study Guide by Liz

Get a colonoscopy. Listen to Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears discuss world politics.

Be a contestant on Survivor.

*rings buzzer* What are "Things Liz would rather do than study?"

DING DING DING DING DING!  YOU ARE CORRECT!

I've never been the "studious" type.  In fact, and I've never really been a "details" type of girl and well, quite frankly, cramming really cramps my style.

So you may find it funny that I pursued a career in an industry where constant learning in essential and testing your knowledge is a common occurence.  But somehow, I always found a way to make it work...Until I had kids.

I had always thought it was a myth that you can't remember shit after having children. Um, yeah. I couldn't have been more wrong.  Since giving birth to mine, I can barely remember where my keys are each day, let alone memorize the statistical analysis of seven clinical trials.  In fact, I spent twenty minutes frantically searching for my bluetooth last week, only to find it...on my ear. And the only thing I seem to be able to remember these day is who won last week's elimination challenge on Top Chef and the plotline for Grey's Anatomy.

Not to mention the fact that all this haphazard studying makes me feel like I've boarded a time machine and traveled to...1994. Like I'm pulling an all-nighter in the Cal Poly library so I can flirt with that cute boy from Communication 101 (Because really, is there any other reason to pull an all-nighter?) and attempting in vain to figure out how the f*ck to work the Lexis Nexis. Yeah, you heard me right, Lexis Nexis.  I've just officially  admitted that I attended college before internet was available.  Back then, we were so looking forward to seeing what that "Information Superhighway" was all about.  And the only way to research a paper was to actually open a book. *insert dinosaur jokes here*

Back then, my biggest worry was what I would wear to that night's sorority mixer or what drink wouldn't make me throw up on the way home in Marty Mazda .  So, because  I just can't  get Whatta Man by Salt N Pepa out of my head, I've decided to take a break from memorizing P values and take a leisurely stroll down memory lane...Care to join me?

LIZ'S MUST LIST...FROM 1994

1. Brown-braided belt with polo shirt with penny loafers

Why Lisa and I felt the need to deny any and all sex appeal in order to channel our inner-male with this ensemble will always baffle me.  And I think we actually put a penny in our loafers.  Gag!  To this day, I still can't shake my aversion for collared shirts.  NEVUH AGAIN, I SAY!

2. The soundtrack to The Bodyguard

I don't want to call anyone out(Lisa) but someone(Lisa) REALLY liked this soundtrack.  And that someone would sing it very loudly, as if they were channeling Whitney Houston herself.  ALOT.  Okay, okay, maybe I sang with her.  Sometimes.

3.  Gas for $1.09 and homes for $119,000

Do you think they'll let me fill up my time machine before I head home?  Or just stay and make an offer on that place I've had my eye on?  Because I'd be willing to tolerate scrunchies and the rise of the Spice Girls again if it meant I could have affordable housing!

4. Bobby McGee's

If you needed to find me on any given Thursday, Friday or Saturday, I'd be here in my shortest skort doing the poor-man's electric slide or shaking my ass to the Macarena.  And I used to wonder why I was single?

5.  The "Rachel" haircut

Oh, how I wanted this haircut.  In fact, "The Rachel" is the whole reason I got off my ass and learned how to straighten my hair.  Because although the 80's were kind to those of us who were follically challenged, the nineties had no such patience. Unfortunately, I never did quite perfect my "Rachel", prompting others to refer to it as the "Rochelle", her slightly frizzy second cousin.

What was your Must List in the nineties?

xoxo, Liz

Defending my "shmove" By Lisa

I was checking out at my new Tarjay the other day when the salesgirl asked for my ID. (Woo hoo! *Does cheerleading kicks and hurdles inside her head*) But as great as that feeling was, that's unfortunately not my story. (I must also begrudgingly note that after doing ridonculous mental cheerleading routine, I spotted a sign that read: Card anyone who looks under the age of FORTY). But I digress.

My story actually goes a little something like this:

Me: With overly excited expression plastered on face, hands salesgirl ID. Tries to calculate just how young she might think I am. Simultaneously decides that I need to get a f***ing life.

Salesgirl: Looks at driver's license and face lights up. "California? Oh! You must be VIS-I-TING!"

Me: Looks past salesgirl out the window at the dark, ominous sky and reluctantly sets the record straight. "Um, no."

Salesgirl: Not skipping a beat as she bags the red wine and the bulk toilet paper."Well, then what are you doing here?"

Me: Rubs thumb gingerly over the word California as places ID back in wallet. "I just moved here."

Salesgirl: (Insert confused expression- think Forrest Gump meets George W.) "Why?"

And that's the million dollar question I'm asked more than any other.  Some of my favorite variations are:

"You did WHAAAAT?"

"Um, don't you think you went the WRONG direction?"

"Did you miss a turn somewhere?"

"What bet did you lose?"

But most commonly, It all boils down to that one-syllable, unmistakable word.

WHY?

Well, after fifty-one days, 18 hours and 22 minutes, (but who's counting?) my "shmove" has ever-so-slowly become more of a "move" and threatened to catapult me to an official resident of The Land of Lincoln. And therefore, I suppose I must explain. So, without further adieu, here are my reasons why:

#1 Life-long desire to give up boring, routine 72 degree weather.

#2 Long walks on the beach really are so cliche'!

#3 I was getting really tired of having all those championship sports teams around me!

#4 Celebrity sightings at your regular coffee shop can be such a distraction to your daily routine!

#5 Flying four hours to get to Vegas is AWESOME!

#6 Off! mosquito repellent has new, fantastic scents! Who needs Burberry Brit when you can wear Tropical Breeze!

#7 When you wish as hard as I did for a MAN IN MY BED, when you finally get him, you'll damn near follow him anywhere!

xoxo, Lisa

Say Cheese! by Liz

I'm a big fan of America's Next Top Model.  Every week, I try to tune that narcissist Tyra out so I can enjoy all the highs, lows and cattiness in between that ANTM has to offer. And even though I rarely take a picture that my eyes aren't closed in, a little part of me looks down on those crazy beyotches each week when they just can't seem to get their schmize on. (For you non-ANTM lovers, that's when you smile with your eyes.  Tyra's obsessed with it!)

So when our publicist finally leveled with us that using a photo that Lisa's fiancee took in Vegas (after three hours at the Blackjack tables!) wasn't going to cut it anymore, we decided to bite the bullet and get some professional shots taken. And even though I've always been photogenically challenged, I still held out hope that this photo shoot would somehow magically eliminate my double-chin or give me my own power-schmize.

Because (photo-shopping) miracles can happen, right?

Um, Wrong.

Lisa and I arrived to the studio, dressed in our bookish best with high hopes.  We tried to brush aside the fact that we were bound to girlfight over our same "good side" and that in over twenty years we've taken exactly three decent photos together. (and those were all snapped after a cocktail!)  And yes, while I will admit that, in the end, we did end up with five that we both liked, I'm here to discuss with you the other 150 pictures that, God-willing, will never see the light of day!

You see, you learn a lot about yourself when your picture is tossed up on a 30 foot screen to be dissected.  And I'd like to share those lessons with you so you too can can ace your next photo shoot. (If you're foolish enough to participate in one!)

DON'T PULL A LURCH

My mother has always to told me to sit up straight. But it wasn't until three weeks ago that I understood why she was barking at me about it so much.  This slouch gave Deenie (sorry, abstract Judy Blume reference) a run for her money!  I seemed to gain fifteen pounds and age my boobs twenty years with each inch I slumped!

HEAD TILTS AREN'T CUTE FOR ANYONE OVER 8 YEARS OLD

I've been tilting my ass off for years.  In fact, some might say it's one of my signature moves.  (I'm surprised my neck never got a cramp at Bobby McGees's back in the day!) And until I saw it on film, I always had though of it as endearing.  So either I've always looked like a complete jackass or my tilt has gotten more severe in my thirties.  Because. It. Was. Out. Of. Control.

WHO KNEW THAT THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN BOOKISH AND SOCCER MOM?

Lisa and I arrived at the studio in our librarian best after deciding on a "bookish" look. It was time for us to be taken seriously!  And while Lisa seemed to achieve this look with ease, my new soccer-momish do' made it impossible for me to look like anything other then,well, a soccer mom headed to the Fall bake sale.  The lesson here: When in doubt, show more boobie!

IF YOU BARELY TURN ON YOUR CANON POWER SHOT, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE A BOSSY BITCH AT YOUR PHOTO SHOOT!

It's a proven fact that Lisa and I can be bossy.  Even when we don't know what the f*ck we are talking about.  So we rolled in and proceeded to tell our kind and patient photographer what our good sides were, (we were wrong) what pose would work best, (wrong again!) and what our strengths and weaknesses were in front of the camera. (Completely. Totally. Wrong.)

But, each time, she indulged us.  But I didn't miss the small smile on her face when we gasped as Lisa's "Flat Stanley" appeared on the giant screen.  Or when my nose seemed to double in size on what I had insisted was "the ONLY side" I could take pictures on.

So we probably deserved it when we jokingly asked if we were "the least photogenic people she had ever photographed" and she actually pondered on it and paused for a moment before answering, "Um, no?"

So this post is for you, Lana.  Thank you for saving these two bossy bitches from themselves! xoxo

When you know you know By Lisa

One store. One hour. One majuh love affair.

In a nutshell, I found my perfect wedding dress in less time than it takes Heidi Klum to say Auf Wiedersehen.

WTF?

As I handed over my credit card, (and tried not to think about the price tag- O.M.G!), I wondered, was it supposed to be this easy? Wasn't I meant to try on dress after dress after dress, always wondering if a better one could be around the corner?

I called Liz to tell her I'd found the dress of my dreams at my first appointment on my first day of shopping and asked her if she thought that was that okay. She didn't skip a beat. "Lisa, you worked your f***ing ass off to find the perfect man. You shouldn't have to work that f***ing hard for your dress too."

And she was abso-f***ing-lutely right.

The search for your dress is exactly like the search for your husband. When you know, you know. So why keep looking when you've already found him? Or why stop looking when you know in your heart you haven't?

I could win some sort of contest for spending years trying on more than my fair share of ill-fitting, uncomfortable, "one-off"  men. They weren't a fit, but I kept them in my wardrobe anyway. Eventually, I would realize most of them were like skinny jeans-- a really bad decision.

Until I found Matt-- who is like my favorite, most comfortable jeans. He is the perfect fit. (I know, I know... gag me with some harp strings!)

And now I have the perfect dress to marry him in...

Marilyn was dress number two and yes, she's so amazing she has a name.

When Jane, the, um, actual DESIGNER, brought Marilyn into the dressing room, I had a gut feeling that she was the one.  Then I stepped in, pulled the dress up around me and looked in the mirror.

It. Was. Love.

Marilyn is a show stopper. Marilyn is the really good kind of drama. Marilyn will make your mother cry and your groom thank his lucky stars he found you. Marilyn knows how to command a room. And, well, she's just pretty damn unforgettable.  Marilyn is so awesome she makes you forget how much money you paid for her.

But then I met Cate.

Cate is another gorgeous dress. She's amazing. She's beautiful and the really good kind of subtle. She knows how to work a room and charm you. She'll also make your mother cry (but face it-even a potato sack could probably do that) and your groom might just cry too!

And for a few minutes, I was torn. There was something about Cate that I really, really loved. I felt romantic and light and the good kind of bride-y.

But in the end, I chose Marilyn for the same reason I chose my fiancee. When you know, you know.

Oh, and because, as Rachel Zoe would say, Marilyn is BANANAS!

Tell us YOUR wedding dress story!  How did you find "The One"?

xoxo, Lisa